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23 November 2006 @ 08:36 pm
Title: Blind
Author: omen1x2
Rating: PG
Fandom: Pierrot
Pairings: (in order) Jun + Kirito, Kohta + Takeo, Takeo + Aiji, Aiji + Kirito, Kirito + Jun
Summary: A series of drabbles in specific points of views about the day of the breakup.
Warnings: Extreme angst.
Special Notes: I only used names for the drabbles with the points of view that I'd already written. I tried to only use the pronoun "you" in the Japanese sense, in that it is amazingly informal, and an extremely close way to refer to a person.


by Omen-chan


When we smile at each other, we're looking away. When we help each other, our eyes are closed. No one sees anything anymore.

When we laugh with each other, the sound is gone. When we sing with each other, the notes are wrong. We can't hear each other anymore.


What happened?

When did we stop listening, stop hearing? When did we stop... loving?

No. We never stopped loving.

We just knew each other so well, we stopped learning.

We saw each other so well, we stopped seeing.

We heard each other so well, we stopped listening.

We never stopped loving.

But I'm tired of being blind, deaf, and mute.

Love isn't enough.

And it's not just us. It's not just about you and me.

I hurt for you, because you're fighting a losing battle.

You hate losing.

"I'm leaving." No hesitation, no sign of remorse.

And you saw me - really saw me - for the first time in years.

And I think what you saw may have killed you.


He wasn't blindsided, although it might have been easier on him if he were.

The fact that it was Jun that said it was probably what killed him. None of us thought that Jun would be the first to leave.

But now, I'll be here for him. It's my turn to take care of my older brother.

And at least I won't have to do it alone.

You look over at me as the yelling starts. I think that, at that moment, you were the only one to remember me, to realise that I might need someone too.

You clutch my shoulder as I throw my first punch, either to restrain me or to support me, I'm not sure which. It might have even been for both.

I don't remember much after that. I just remember sensing my brother's pain, my own frustration at being invisible, and my sudden, sickening desire to lash out at someone. And I remember feeling your presence, as constant and steady as it's always been.

I'm glad I don't remember anything else. I'd probably hate myself if I did.


Kohta was set to kill. I know he was. The way he went off, first on you, then on Jun, that said more than anything possibly could.

The only thing that stopped Kohta was when our almighty leader knocked him out.

You left immediately. I'd never seen you so angry before. I probably shouldn't, but I followed you out. I knew you didn't feel like talking to anyone, but I couldn't control myself.

You didn't stop, didn't even look at me. Words kept pouring out of my mouth, but I have no idea what I was saying. I don't think I even knew then.

Not that it mattered. You were leaving anyway. I knew, better than anyone, that nothing was going to stop you now.

After you left, I stared at the closed door for hours.

I've never come so close to crying in my life.

When Jun said that he was leaving, I wasn't surprised. I was always the one that could see everything, the one that could pull back and look at everything objectively.

Kohta was always a little in love with me, and I think that after a certain amount of time, the inevitable would come to be.

But I love you.

I never told you that, did I?

It doesn't matter, though.

We should have never become a band. How could we play in harmony when our emotions were so disharmonious? How could we be together when everything was against us, even ourselves?

But I can't leave now.

I walked back to Kohta.


When Jun said what he did, I knew it was time. I'd been planning on leaving for years. I don't know what held me back.

Yes, I do.

But it doesn't matter.

For years, we've all been twisted around each other, losing sight of things that we should have never had problems with.

I know what they mean now, when they say that love and hate are basically the same.

I love you. And I hate you.

I love you for who you are, for your strength, your loyalty, everything.

And I hate you for who you are. For your strength, your loyalty, for all the same reasons that I love you.

And there's nothing I can do about it anymore, except leave.

I never thought Kohta would lose it the way he did. You, maybe, but not Kohta.

But I think the reason why it was him and not you is for the same reason why I thought you'd be the one to attack us.

Because we killed you.

I love you. And I hate you. And I love Jun. And hate him. I love and hate Kohta, love and hate Takeo.

I have to leave. My hatred is toxic. It'll kill us all.

It already killed the one part of you that I loved without hating.


I can barely remember that day. The emotions I felt, the whirlwind of thoughts, the horrible feeling of death I remember. I remember it because I still feel it. But I can barely remember exactly what happened.

All I know is that you killed me. And then Aiji came back and kicked the corpse.

I knocked Kohta out, I know. Takeo told me that the minute he laid a hand on you, I attacked him like a wild animal.

He should have known better, I suppose.

We should have known better, should have known that none of this would ever work.

It's my fault for letting everything happen.

It's my fault for seducing you all those years ago, my fault for letting Kohta fall in love with Takeo, my fault for seeing that Takeo loved Aiji, my fault for knowing that Aiji loved me. I should have stopped it all.

A band can't survive with all those emotions running loose, all those people chasing after each other and never catching them.

But I was too blind, too stupid to see it.

It killed me. I hate to think what it did to you.

I'm sorry, Jun.

I'm so sorry.

I sit down to write the farewell letter.

And I can barely even see what I'm writing.

I'm still blind.


I'm not sure if I like the way this one turned out. *shrugs* Anyway, COMMENT, PLEASE!
badurakku on November 24th, 2006 04:15 am (UTC)

That was so beautiful. And sad. And beautiful homg. ;; (Then again, what else could I expect from such a great writer as you? ♥)
Omen-chan: Junomen1x2 on November 24th, 2006 04:45 am (UTC)
Aaaaawwww... Thankies. ^______^
Mizukikikai_no_yume on November 24th, 2006 10:39 am (UTC)
I like it^^ it made my eyes teary though*rubs eyes* thank god no one is at home right now>>;
Omen-chan: I love my fandom. ^___^omen1x2 on November 24th, 2006 03:21 pm (UTC)
*petspets* It happens.
pocketsizeddeviantpolkadotzombiewannabepolkadotzombie on November 24th, 2006 12:00 pm (UTC)
Wow, I'm really impressed. I really love what you did with the different viewpoints, and how it all pieces together. Very strong voices from all the characters, and yeah. The language cuts straight to the point. Your narrative is good. And yes.

Sorry this comment is pants, but you write a very good drabblecollectionthing. Well done!
Omen-chan: Kohtaomen1x2 on November 24th, 2006 03:32 pm (UTC)
Okay, first off, let me just say that your name is the greatest thing I've ever seen. XDDDDD

And thank you so much for commenting. New commenters make me squee. ♥ And your comment is lovely. I think the hardest part about this fic (besides the pronouns, ugh) was trying to convey in a few sentences exactly what the major band issues were. It's always hard to do that, simply because there are several layers to that sort of thing, and it's practically impossible to show how complex something like that is without becoming wordy and textbook sounding.
Suenegiyou on November 24th, 2006 01:53 pm (UTC)
uhm well, this is going to be hard....
you know what I think about drabbles, I simply don't like them, but the wa you did this is fine with me, I mean from the different POVs, iTs# really a great method to do this!
I just don't like the story behind it I think, it's too much love for me, one loves another, the next loves the next and so on, that' sa little too much for my liking, and I just have a different view of them, so I can't quite identify with this.
but it's cool non the less, no offense, I just... dunno, I just can't cope with this somehow.
Omen-chan: Pierrotomen1x2 on November 24th, 2006 03:40 pm (UTC)
The idea behind the different viewpoints was simply to have everything flow from one to the next.

The thing about this fic, though, is that love is complex. And from what I've seen of all of them, they all love each other dearly, but love can twist and contort and easily become something horrible and dark. And after so many years, that's what happened to them. It's impossible to be that close to people every day and not have horrible issues arise simply because you love these people. It's hard to convey that sort of thing in just a few sentences, but that's how I see it. I mean, I don't think that Jun or Aiji could have left if things hadn't changed so horribly that they didn't have a choice anymore. They'd have never left ten years ago, you know?
On the 'net I go by either kiriga or tvecklingkiriga on November 24th, 2006 03:08 pm (UTC)
OMG how sad T___T Wonderful and sad. A great mixture! Well, excuse me.. I must go and drown in tears now.
Omen-chan: Jun02omen1x2 on November 24th, 2006 03:41 pm (UTC)
*hugs* Don't cry! ;_;

This fic isn't good enough for you to cry over it! :O
On the 'net I go by either kiriga or tvecklingkiriga on November 24th, 2006 07:37 pm (UTC)
But it's sad ;_; And good...

No, it's better >.< So. Good. I almost can't believe it!
I love yoooou for making such good ficcies!
yokozukiyokozuki on November 29th, 2006 04:23 am (UTC)
Huhhhhh. That's very interesting. And saaaad. It took me two read-throughs to straighten out who was talking to who when and who did what, but it's not like I'm awake right now. XD;; What a clusterfuck they are, huh? It breaks the heart...