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15 February 2009 @ 06:32 pm
[fic] Air; R; DBSK  
Title: Air
Author: omen1x2
Rating: R
Pairing: JaeChun
Disclaimer: Like all fanfic writers, I twist reality to please me.
Summary: Jaejoong’s nothing but breath and voice and air, and Yoochun is terrified that one day he’ll just disappear, and all he can do is remind himself of the here and now, that Jaejoong has skin and texture and life, through touch.
Special Note: Written for sungie86, who inspired it. ♥

By Omen-chan

Yoochun can’t help himself sometimes. Jaejoong’s nothing but breath and voice and air, and Yoochun is terrified that one day he’ll just disappear, and all he can do is remind himself of the here and now, that Jaejoong has skin and texture and life, through touch.

It starts out as small things. Fingers pressed into the small of Jaejoong’s back for a brief moment, friendly tickling, hugs. Love and affection poured into bare moments, and the need to confirm Jaejoong’s reality.

But then those small touches aren’t enough, and Yoochun finds his hands reaching out as if with minds of their own. Most of the time he doesn’t even understand how it happens, and when Jaejoong looks at him, eyes dark and questioning, he can’t think of an answer.

Jaejoong’s skin is smooth as silk, he finds, almost like a girl’s, but the muscle underneath belies that. Jaejoong’s hair shouldn’t be that soft, not with the number of times he’s dyed it, but since when does Jaejoong follow the laws of anything, even nature? His perfection is beyond everything, and Yoochun swallows when he looks at him sometimes, his breath stolen away, and he has to touch again.

He doesn’t even remember how it happened, that first time. Entering their shared room, he saw Jaejoong lying on his bed, earphones in place, humming to himself, ankle resting on his knee and moving to the beat. He’d looked up at Yoochun when the door closed and smiled, eyes bright and affectionate and no one has eyes like that.

He was on the bed and kissing him before he even realized he’d moved, Jaejoong’s fingers curled into his neck, mouth warm and inviting as it moved against his. Their clothes were removed awkwardly (Yoochun hit his head against the wall when he tried to take off his shirt), and for the first time, when Yoochun touched him, he could finally believe that Jaejoong was there. That he wouldn’t just disappear into the air he was made of, that Yoochun wouldn’t be left alone, hands grasping for the presence that had just disappeared.

Yoochun couldn’t help but shudder when Jaejoong’s air turned into heat, fire that almost overwhelmed him as their bodies moved together. Fingernails dug painfully into Yoochun’s back, shoulders, arms, almost as if Jaejoong needed to confirm touch and reality as badly as Yoochun did.

It would have been uncomfortable, after, if it had been anyone else. But Jaejoong and Yoochun had never been awkward around each other, and their silence as they pulled their clothes back on and went to their separate beds was just… different. Or so they kept telling themselves.

Neither of them slept that night.

The touches stopped, because they meant something different, now, and Yoochun would often find himself crying when he woke up in the morning. It was worse than ever now, his fear, and he couldn’t even resort to his simple touches from the past to convince himself otherwise.

The others noticed, of course they did, and the entire dynamic of the group changed, contracted, made everything worse. Fights broke out more and more often, and Yoochun saw Jaejoong alone less and less.

Yoochun was miserable. And alone. He’d never felt so alone, not with them, not with Jaejoong, and he hated it so much he couldn’t breathe.

Jaejoong noticed, of course he did, there was nothing about Yoochun he didn’t notice, and he started touching Yoochun when Yoochun stopped. And it was Jaejoong that incited the touches, the tickles, the play-fights, the hugs, and he smiled at Yoochun until Yoochun couldn’t help but smile back.

And Yoochun remembers exactly how it happened, the second time.

Yoochun wakened to the feel of a hand in his hair, fingers on his cheeks, wiping away dampness under his eyes, and he curled into warmth until he focused enough to whisper Jaejoong’s name.

Kisses on his forehead, and Yoochun closed his eyes again, calmer, and whispered his name again, and then his mouth was covered with impossible heat and he clutched at it desperately, hands fisted in a pajama shirt, and pulling Jaejoong on top of him. Isolation gone, loneliness gone, and Jaejoong was here. Still nothing more than heat and skin and air, but still here, and at the moment, it was more than enough. It was better than what he’d had.

Hands slid under clothes and Yoochun felt Jaejoong’s stomach contract when he touched it, fingertips sliding over skin and almost fearful to touch more, and then Jaejoong’s lips were everywhere, and all Yoochun could do was twist his fingers into long hair and gasp into his pillow.

The second time, Jaejoong and Yoochun slept, curled around each other in Yoochun’s bed, fingers loosely intertwined.

It was different again, but in a much better way. Laughter came easier, and eyes sparkled, and Yunho, Junsu, and Changmin breathed secret sighs of relief when they were alone.

Yoochun was back to touching Jaejoong (he still couldn’t believe that he wouldn't just disappear one day, that everything would turn out to be a painfully beautiful memory as Jaejoong turned into vapor, into the air he always was), but he felt warmer when he did it. It was no longer a reflex in reaction to panic, but a simple need for touch, that was always returned.

Yoochun no longer awoke with wet cheeks and red eyes, but Jaejoong still never let him sleep alone again.

Sometimes, Jaejoong was terrified that Yoochun would disappear, dissolve into the pure, smooth water that he always was, and leave him, desperate and alone, and Jaejoong would clutch onto him tightly while he slept, the need for touch almost too much for him.

(Deleted comment)
Omen-chan: MUCC - Dorks. XDomen1x2 on February 16th, 2009 12:58 am (UTC)
*glomps* Thank you so much for reading and liking!
성희sungie86 on February 16th, 2009 01:08 am (UTC)
-flails about happily- HAPPY JAECHUNNNNNNNNN <3 lovelovelove. LOVE. THANK YOUUUUUU ^O^

*cough*i promise SR28 in the very near future X3
Omen-chan: Kirito - Solaceomen1x2 on February 16th, 2009 01:10 am (UTC)

And yaaaaaaaaay!
One night I met a fairy looking for her wings.: Jaechun: counting heartbeatssummernap on February 16th, 2009 01:28 am (UTC)
this was GORGEOUS. *_* it feels so real, i love it. you captured them so well. &hearts Thank you!
Omen-chan: Kirito - Rainbow Prideomen1x2 on February 16th, 2009 01:30 am (UTC)
Oh, thank you so much.... I'm so glad you liked it! *hugs*
(Deleted comment)
Omen-chan: JaeChun Loveomen1x2 on February 16th, 2009 02:27 am (UTC)
*blushes and hugs* Awww.... Thank you. ♥
(Deleted comment)
Omen-chan: Angeloomen1x2 on February 16th, 2009 02:27 am (UTC)
Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it. ^o^
now i'm just chillin', feel like i'm healingbambayahh on February 16th, 2009 02:22 am (UTC)
guh~ love :]

I love how both of them are so afraid that the other could disappear and are just hungry for the others' touch of reality~ just love♥
Omen-chan: kannivalism - Ryou and Yuuchi - Hustleomen1x2 on February 16th, 2009 02:29 am (UTC)
(DUDE. Major kudos to your username. *loves* XD)

*snuggles* Thank you! ♥
-purplehaze_33 on February 16th, 2009 02:28 am (UTC)

i loved it! <3
Omen-chan: Nao's omen1x2 on February 16th, 2009 02:31 am (UTC)
Thank you!!! <3333
Edithminmickey_08 on February 16th, 2009 05:22 am (UTC)
Absolutely BEAUTIFUL!!! ♥♥
Jaechun = My Love!!!
Omen-chan: JaeChunomen1x2 on February 16th, 2009 05:29 am (UTC)
Thank you!

*purrs* Yessssssss... JaeChun.... It's the greatest thing on earth. ♥
rshauna on February 16th, 2009 08:08 am (UTC)
So beautiful so beautiful!! loved your writing.

Jaechun love is .. no words

"Since when does Jaejoong follow the laws of anything, even nature?" i love this line. so true!!

Omen-chan: TVXQ Loveomen1x2 on February 16th, 2009 08:15 am (UTC)
*tackles* I'm so glad someone finally noticed that! I loved writing that line, and I hoped someone would mention it. ^o^

Thank you so much!
ノエル。jaejung on February 16th, 2009 06:52 pm (UTC)
love this. ♥
Omen-chan: Junomen1x2 on February 16th, 2009 08:08 pm (UTC)
Thank you. ♥
(Deleted comment)
Omen-chanomen1x2 on February 18th, 2009 07:50 pm (UTC)
Yeah. The lack of smex is getting to me, and it's apparently affecting my writing. XD

Yes, exactly. How the two of them are always together, and how they're together so often that they can't even tell stories (just simple stories that aren't even about each other) without mentioning the other one's name because they're just always. Together. (I have a name for it. Attached-at-the-Hip-itis.)
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on February 19th, 2009 01:27 am (UTC) (Expand)
serapheim ♥serapheim on February 24th, 2009 06:18 pm (UTC)
Aww, it was so sweet :) loved it!
Omen-chan: I love my fandom. ^___^omen1x2 on February 25th, 2009 05:00 am (UTC)
Thank you! ♥
juhlijuhli on February 24th, 2009 11:56 pm (UTC)
dfhglwrugjbmh 358 890 359

so beautifully written <333
Love your style..sounds almost like a ballad to me <3
Omen-chan: Pierrotomen1x2 on February 25th, 2009 05:01 am (UTC)
Oh, wow, thank you. That is an amazing compliment. ♥
ALEXiS [Approach and worship!]o_frick on February 25th, 2009 04:51 am (UTC)
At first I thought this fic was why I should love you, but then I realized that you're the person who wrote those excellent Kannivalism fics when no others seem to exist in the world, and I realized I loved you THEN when I read them XDDDD'.

So in general, your awesome is overwhelming. And this fic is unbearbly gorgeous, I love how you write.
Omen-chan: MUCC - Dorks. XDomen1x2 on February 25th, 2009 05:02 am (UTC)

I didn't think anyone read my kannivalism fics. I just wrote them for my own, personal enjoyment. XD

Thaaaaaaaaaaank you! *tackles*
Haruko-chanharuko_chan22 on March 1st, 2009 06:49 am (UTC)
i LOVED that!
Omen-chan: Kirito - Flowersomen1x2 on March 1st, 2009 06:51 am (UTC)
Thanks! ^o^