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09 January 2009 @ 12:47 am
 
Title: Façades
Author: omen1x2
Rating: PG
Fandom: DBSK/TVXQ
Pairing: JaeChun
Disclaimer: Like all fanfic writers, I twist reality to please me.
Summary: Jaejoong spent the first year of his acquaintance with Yoochun trying to find out who he really is, underneath the joker/player façade. Jaejoong POV.




Façades

by Omen-chan



It had taken a year of hard work. Laboring, it seemed, from the moment I awoke to the time I finally fell asleep. On top of the constant practices, rehearsals, training, it was almost too much for me, and sometimes I wondered why I even bothered. Was it just because I wanted to do everything possible to keep Dong Bang Shin Ki from failing? Was it that I felt as if, as the oldest, I needed to maintain everyone’s happiness? Surely not. That job had been delegated to Yunho from the beginning.

Still, I’d spent a full year before our debut, trying to see exactly who Park Yoochun was, underneath that joker-façade of Micky Yoochun. Out of the five of us, he was the one that no one knew, the complete mystery, the foreigner-not-foreigner. And he remained unknowable. I wasn’t even sure if he knew he was doing it, that he was acting around us the way he acted around the world.

Maybe my reasoning wasn’t as convoluted as I’d been imagining, though. Maybe I was just annoyed that there was a puzzle, and I wanted to solve it.



“Come on, Yoochun ah. We’re going out.”

“Out? Out where?” He grinned as I grabbed his hand and started swinging it between us as we walked. “Just us?”

“Just us. Out. To… somewhere.”

“You don’t even know?”

“Why should I?”

“Because it’s your idea!”

I pulled him closer and rested my chin on his shoulder, smiling, and tried not to trip over our feet as we walked. “Well, it’s not like we can do much of anything, without cars.”

“Or licenses.”

“Or licenses,” I agreed. “But I felt like getting away.”

I wasn’t looking at Yoochun’s face, and I wondered if he felt safe enough to be truthful, for once.

“You’re not ‘getting away’ if I’m with you, though, right?”

“Who said I wanted to get away from you?”

Yoochun laughed, loudly, boyishly, and it was so fake it made my ears hurt, and pulling away from him was purely a reflex. I focused on the pain in my ears and tried to tell myself my chest wasn’t hurting too. “Never mind.”

Yoochun gave me a confused look, and I started to walk away, my hands in my pockets. I was pouting, and I knew it, but I didn’t care.



I lay on my back on my top bunk and glared up at the ceiling. I think part of why Yoochun’s act drove me so crazy was that I knew I would like that lonely, scared boy underneath, if he’d just let him out once in a while. I’d even like Micky Yoochun, if he were Micky Yoochun for the camera only, and Park Yoochun for me. Us. Me.

Whatever.

I heard the door open and Yoochun walk in, quieter than usual.

He paused next to our bunk, and I heard him inhale quickly, as if he wanted to say something, but he didn’t. And that silence lengthened and seemed to evolve into something nearly tangible.

It was the silence that interested me. It was so new. So, I turned on my side and looked at Yoochun curiously.

For a second, a small, precious second, I’d caught him. He looked so small and innocent and vulnerable, and I knew that I’d gotten to see that part of himself he hid away so well.

But then it was gone, and he licked his lips and gave me a cocky grin. “Are you trying to seduce me or something?”





“…What?”

Thank you so much, Micky Yoochun. I hated it when people threw me through a loop and I had no idea what they were talking about. Or what was going on.

He pointed to me, and that just confused me even more.

“Your posture.”

It probably took me a few more seconds, but I finally grasped that much of what he said, if nothing else, and looked down at myself. Apparently when I’d turned on my side, I’d bent my leg at the knee and rested an arm on it. The effect, as Yoochun had said, was seductive.

God.

I could feel my ears burning, and I quickly moved to sit up on my bunk so no more random poses escaped, and ended up bumping my head on the ceiling instead.

Shit. Ow. I should have never taken top bunk.”

Yoochun’s smile faltered for a second, and I remembered that I’d agreed to top bunk because he was scared of heights, and that just made me want to beat myself up more. “I didn’t mean that.”

But Park Yoochun was completely gone now, and Micky was all that was left.

“I just wanted to say that I’m going to be out late tonight. Okay?”

I nodded and looked down at my bed and drew circles on my pillow. I felt like such a tool.

I didn’t expect him to grab my hand and prop his feet onto his bunk, bringing him up enough to plant a kiss on my cheek.

He was gone before I could react, and I stared at our closed door, my hand pressing the warmth from the kiss into my face.



After that, I would catch bare glimpses. Always when we were alone, and always unexpected. I’d come to cherish those moments, because I began to realize that his defenses were lowering around me, although I had no idea why.

So, I started to smother him.



“Yoochun ah! Yoochun ah!” I saw his shoulders tense, but he didn’t turn around.

What.

No one ignores Kim Jaejoong.

Damn it.

“YOOCHUN AH!” I cackled out loud when I tackled him, because I could have sworn I heard him squeak.

“What?” He was probably trying for condescending and annoyed, but with his face in the ground like that, it came off more ridiculous than anything.

“I made you something! Why are you ignoring me?”

He pushed himself off the ground a little and managed to roll over onto his back. I was so proud of myself for not losing my grip on him or my balance that I almost missed his reply.

“You’re making me too much food. I’m getting fat.”

I removed one hand from Yoochun to cover my mouth with it, because seriously, what? “Fat?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re getting fat?”

His eyes narrowed when I couldn’t prevent a burst of laughter from escaping. I mean, really. Fat?

“Why don’t you ever feed anyone else?”

“Because I like cooking for you! Don’t you like my cooking?” I pushed myself up so that I was straddling his midriff, and crossed my arms over my chest, pouting again.

“I do! I really do!”

“Great!” I got off him and pulled him up. After dusting off his clothes, I grabbed his hand and pulled him to the kitchen.

I heard him sigh, and yes, I’d gotten what I wanted, because it was a real sigh, but at the same time, I was disappointed too. I really didn’t want him annoyed with me, either.



Two arms wrapped around me from behind, and a chin rested on my shoulder, interrupting my conversation with Yunho and confusing me completely.

“Hyuuuuuuuung…” Yoochun singsonged into my ear. “I’m hungry!”

I swallowed and gulped in air and tried everything I could to get my brain working again. Yunho’s expression of endless amusement wasn’t helping. I’d have glared at him if I’d been capable of it.

“I…” My voice squeaked. Try again. “I thought you didn’t want me to cook for you?”

“You haven’t cooked for me in weeks! I said I wanted less, not none!”

“Not weeks. Ten days.”

“Whatever. That’s still a long time.”

Changmin called Yunho away, and I finally turned to look at Yoochun, dislodging him from my person.

I was completely prepared for a fight with Micky Yoochun. I wasn’t expecting Park Yoochun to give me a bright, unrestrained smile, or to have him grab my hand and pull me to the kitchen. “I’ll help, okay?”

I tripped over my own feet, bringing the both of us down in a cacophony of laughter.



That night, I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned and grew more and more annoyed with myself, and hoped I wasn’t making too much noise.

“Hyung?”

So much for that.

“Don’t mind me, Yoochunnie. Just go to sleep.”

I heard him let his breath out in a whoosh, and then I heard him start to move. I saw him kick his feet over the side of his bed, and he poked his head out to look up at me. “What’s wrong?”

And oh my god, that was simply too much for me right now. I’d been wanting him to be himself, to stop playacting, for me, the group, the world, for himself. But at that moment, those pure, scared, lonely eyes were just too much, and they took my breath away, and so my response just spilled over my lips without asking permission from my brain at all. “What are you so scared of?” And it was out now, and I could have kicked myself, but I still needed to hear the answer.

His eyes widened, and I saw him gulp. I climbed down from my bunk and sat next to him, carefully not touching, scared that he would run away and hide like he had so many times before, and that would just destroy me.

I saw his eyes shutter for a moment, and I was so desperate not to lose this moment with Yoochun that I grabbed his shoulder and pulled him close and held him with all my strength. I was probably leaving bruises, but he didn’t seem to care, as he suddenly wrapped his arms around me and held me just as tight, burying his face in my neck.

I felt his response, breathed onto my neck, more than heard it. “Everything.”

And then it all came spilling out. His family and his homesickness and how he didn’t know why he was always scared, but he was, and I interpreted the rest for him. He was scared of everyone and everything, because if his family could hurt him so much, then so could anyone.

“We can’t pick our families, Yoochunnie,” I whisper into his hair. “And sometimes they’re not perfect, and sometimes it’s just too hard, and sometimes they don’t even realize what they’re doing. But they still love you.” His grip on me tightened as I continued, “And we couldn’t pick this family either, and we’re not perfect, and sometimes we do stupid things, and sometimes we might hurt each other. But that doesn’t stop us from loving each other either. Loving you.”

I was both expecting and completely unprepared for his sob, and all I could do was swallow around the lump in my throat and rub his back and sing softly into his hair.



I don’t know why it never occurred to me, during all that work to bring Yoochun out of his shell, that I didn’t help him simply because I loved him.

Because, of course, I did.

And when Micky Yoochun reappeared for the camera, and the fans, and the stage, and the interviews, I knew I loved him too. Because he was keeping my Yoochunnie safe.




~fin~




My first Jaejoong POV, and I hope I managed to get him right. *worriesworriesworrieschewsonnails* Please comment! ^____^;;;
 
 
 
herojejung on January 9th, 2009 08:35 am (UTC)
oh my god, this was beautiful. ♥
Omen-chan: Naoomen1x2 on January 9th, 2009 05:14 pm (UTC)
Thank you! ♥
Kryz-chan: Yoochuncutenessbaby_jin on January 9th, 2009 12:14 pm (UTC)
And when Micky Yoochun reappeared for the camera, and the fans, and the stage, and the interviews, I knew I loved him too. Because he was keeping my Yoochunnie safe. I love this last line. So beautiful.

Jaechun is ♥ There's not much Jaechun fics out there so I'm glad you wrote a beautiful one.


Omen-chan: JaeChun Loveomen1x2 on January 9th, 2009 05:14 pm (UTC)
Oh, thank you so much. ♥

And I agree. There needs to be way more JaeChun than there is. Dammit.
graveyardgrin on January 9th, 2009 01:20 pm (UTC)
;_____; oh I missed reading your stuff. this is just so lovely ♥♥♥
Omen-chan: Kirito - Solaceomen1x2 on January 9th, 2009 05:15 pm (UTC)
It... hasn't been that long since I wrote something, has it? ^^;;; *wallows in guilt*
graveyardgrin on January 10th, 2009 01:21 am (UTC)
ah no, I mean since I've been busy with school and everything. 8) I missed you in general! *hugs*
Omen-chan: Hiroto - *drools* Abs...omen1x2 on January 10th, 2009 01:23 am (UTC)
Aaaaaaawwww... *glomps* You sweetheart, you. ♥
enchanted1312 on January 9th, 2009 01:45 pm (UTC)
this was beautiful, very very very so. Because he was keeping my Yoochunnie safe. i think the last line just killed me becuase oh my gosh, i never thought of it that way so when i read it, it hit me and i fell back. haha. and about the meaning of family and how we couldn't choose, i seriously have to agree on that. i think that's the beauty of family, no matter how many flaws, love just overflows. ^.^
Omen-chan: I love my fandom. ^___^omen1x2 on January 9th, 2009 05:18 pm (UTC)
lol
That line when killed me when I wrote it, too. I think I might have gotten cavities from the fluffiness of it, and I almost took it off, but I decided that there wasn't a damn thing wrong with mushy fluff that kills. Especially with JaeChun, because they're so mushy and fluffy all on their own. XD

And kind of something I wanted to point out (if subtly), is how there's that saying that we can't choose our family, but we can choose our friends. Only the case with Dong Bang Shin Ki, they didn't, so they really are like a family in the full sense of the word.
nani_kumi on January 9th, 2009 04:59 pm (UTC)
beautiful to the very core. ♥
Omen-chan: JaeChunomen1x2 on January 9th, 2009 05:18 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much. ♥
creator of human cloneshumancloning on January 9th, 2009 11:17 pm (UTC)
It was beautifull
Omen-chan: Angeloomen1x2 on January 9th, 2009 11:48 pm (UTC)
Thank you! ^o^
mairasmmairasm on January 10th, 2009 03:12 am (UTC)
Beautiful fic, as usual!!! lol
Really touching your way of aproaching the beginnings of what would become our soulmate couple!!
Thanks for the lovely fic!!
<3333
Omen-chan: Junomen1x2 on January 10th, 2009 03:36 am (UTC)
Ah, thank you! I always like to consider different ways they could have gotten started as soulmates. ♥
(Deleted comment)
Omen-chan: alice nine.omen1x2 on January 10th, 2009 05:28 am (UTC)
I've been having it pretty rough lately, and I try not to write when that's the case, because then it effects my writing. Even with this one, I didn't want it to be sad or anything, but it kind of has that bittersweet overtone to it.
(Deleted comment)
Omen-chan: Hirotoomen1x2 on January 11th, 2009 03:59 am (UTC)
*hugs tightly* I just saw your comment-disabled post, and, honestly, that's just about the sweetest thing anyone's ever said about my stories. It really touched me, and I started crying and everything, and that really helped me a lot. Thank you so much.
Meijaemeijin on January 26th, 2009 12:10 pm (UTC)
Hisashiburi!
sorry for the late visit & comment *hangs head in shame*
its such a busy week for me.
with school, research, etc.

yeah! this one is ur 1st JJ POV ne!
great job. u could express what JJ think bout two-side of Chunnie. awesome.

thank u.

btw, if u hv time. i post a jaechun slide show here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2iI0KRKhvu4
Omen-chanomen1x2 on January 31st, 2009 09:27 am (UTC)
Oh, no, it's fine! Don't worry about it! *hugs* ♥

And thank you! I'm always glad when you like them. ^o^

It's very cute. I don't usually enjoy the slide shows as much as the videos, but you have some really lovely pictures there.
ekkusuchanekkusuchan on May 17th, 2009 08:27 am (UTC)
i love it ^_^ why are you so scared of? xD it's well-written and sweet ^__^
Omen-chan: JaeChun Loveomen1x2 on May 17th, 2009 06:16 pm (UTC)
I was just nervous because Jaejoong's a really hard person to write for. He's just so completely unique, and his mind doesn't work the way everyone else's does, and I wanted to try and capture that right. ^^;;;