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19 December 2008 @ 08:02 am
Title: Telling Secrets
Author: omen1x2
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: JaeChun
Summary: Night was the best time for telling secrets.

Telling Secrets

By Omen-chan

Night was the best time for telling secrets. The easiest, most simple way to say what needed to be said. Yoochun had realized this that first night, when that feeling of homesickness and loneliness had become so strong, he was terrified he’d be crushed with it. Clutching his bed and gasping, eyes wide, tears streaming, and then Jaejoong was there, and Yoochun clutched onto him instead, desperate for that something in this frightening world of nothings.

After that first night, Jaejoong had always known, without having to be told, when that feeling would begin to weigh Yoochun down again, and he would always be there. He even learned to know before Yoochun even realized it was happening.

”How do you do that?”

And Jaejoong would smile, and shrug, and wipe the tears from Yoochun’s eyes (not the bad ones, this time, but the thankful tears, the ones that always made Jaejoong’s chest ache). “Because it’s you.”

Yoochun had started telling secrets first, that first night opening the doorway into Yoochun’s soul, that feeling of kinship and trust all he needed to know that Jaejoong would never hurt him.

”You don’t think he seems cold?”

Confusion, unrelenting and making his head swim. “Cold? No, never.”

And Junsu would smile, and shrug, and decided Yoochun probably saw more than he did. But when he asked Yunho or Changmin, they always agreed.

Jaejoong wasn’t the type to open his heart to just anyone. Terrified of being inadequate, of hurting someone, of letting his defenses fall and being hurt in turn, he would hide his feelings beneath impenetrable layers. Yoochun didn’t mind. Jaejoong was always there for him, for them, when the world became too big and their group too small and the air around them began to make them suffocate, from fear, from a task too large and too much for five men (five boys) to handle.

Yoochun was in the hospital that first night Jaejoong had let him in. Sitting in the chair next to the bed, hand clutching Yoochun’s desperately, eyes large and dark in his pale face, he hadn’t said anything at all, but Yoochun understood the secret being shared through eyes and shaking shoulders and the hand in his.

He’d felt so touched that Jaejoong had trusted him with it.

Waking up to hands in his hair, mind playing tricks on him, feeling like the little child he used to be (still was), remembering his mother always doing that for him when he was sick, but no, his mother was in America, and she couldn’t do this for him anymore…

He opened his eyes to a lump in his throat, and saw Jaejoong, unaware that Yoochun had woken, eyes still intense as his hands moved on their own through Yoochun’s hair.

The first night of Jaejoong’s injury, Yoochun hadn’t slept at all. Shaking in bed and tears wetting his pillow, the very knowledge that it wasn’t Jaejoong in the bunk with him had seemed so wrong it made him sick.

Unable to take it anymore, he’d escaped the bedroom as quickly as possible, and curled in a corner in the living room (not the kitchen, the kitchen was too much, Jaejoong was everywhere in it even when he wasn’t there), and wished that sick feeling would just go away, but he knew it wouldn’t, not with the world so wrong.

Jaejoong’s eyes were haunted when no one else was looking. Yoochun alone knew how much it tortured him, his weakness and imperfection, needing to be perfect and strong but now the weakest of them all.

When Yoochun held onto his hand, Jaejoong nearly crushed his fingers, desperate and alone and weak.

Yoochun didn’t mind.

A whisper, late at night, when Yoochun was still half asleep, but always partly awake, in case there was a secret to be told, in case Jaejoong needed him. The whisper was all it took for Yoochun to become instantly alert, because this secret was different from the rest. This secret was small and fragile and made of homespun glass, and it could shatter at any time.

”I love you.”

Heart pounding in his chest, so happy, but so, so scared. Terrified of saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing, of destroying this precious friendship he needed to survive. But then he was looking at Jaejoong, and Jaejoong was looking at him, and Yoochun knew that the secret he’d been told probably hadn’t been a secret at all, had always been there for him to hear.

Night was the best time for telling secrets. Years had passed, and they’d shared so much with each other that the secrets to be told often didn’t need to be told at all. Whispered words become soft touches and precious moments stolen whenever they could. The secrets now weren’t for each other, but for the rest of the world, and it was better this way, because they had no more secrets to tell.


This is completely different from anything I’ve ever written, and the only explanation I have is because I’m writing this early in the morning (when I should be up and getting ready to leave) after four hours of sleep.

Comments appreciated. ^_____^
♠♥♣♦: jcsshuttist on December 19th, 2008 02:17 pm (UTC)
this is so gud..thnx for sharing..n SPOT!
Omen-chan: Pon Rapeageomen1x2 on December 19th, 2008 02:25 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I'm glad you like it. ^o^
dongbangniedongbangnie on December 19th, 2008 06:07 pm (UTC)
"cold? never" :D soulmate

"i love u"
Omen-chan: Kirito - Solaceomen1x2 on December 19th, 2008 08:37 pm (UTC)
Everyone always talks about how their first impression of Jaejoong was coldness (except I've never heard Yoochun describe him that way), but when I look at the way he always acts around Yoochun, it occurred to me that Yoochun probably never saw that side of him at all.
(no subject) - dongbangnie on January 3rd, 2009 07:06 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
Omen-chan: JaeChunomen1x2 on December 19th, 2008 08:38 pm (UTC)
Oh, wow, thank you so much. Those kinds of pauses are what writers live for. ♥
Benevolent Dictatoramouralamer on December 19th, 2008 08:38 pm (UTC)
That was such a sweet fic! Loved it!
Omen-chan: Shou - Glassesomen1x2 on December 19th, 2008 08:40 pm (UTC)
Thank you! ^o^
asianchik92asianchik92 on December 19th, 2008 10:36 pm (UTC)
ohhhhh i is just completely in awe... it flowed so softly like water over rocks... it basically made me feel really content.. ^_^ :sighs:
Omen-chan: Shou x Hirotoomen1x2 on December 20th, 2008 01:52 am (UTC)
Oh, wow, thank you. That description you gave it was just so powerful, and I'm honored to have my little fic be considered worthy of it. *_____*

Edited at 2008-12-20 01:52 am (UTC)
(no subject) - asianchik92 on December 20th, 2008 02:45 am (UTC) (Expand)
Meijaemeijin on December 19th, 2008 11:03 pm (UTC)
wow! another JaeChun Fic.
i'm sure that i become ur jaechun-fanfic fan now XD

btw, sometimes,i could see there is sadness in Chunnie's eyes but then, I saw a warm impression too. And I recieved a similar feeling with Jae. Maybe this is bcoz they always shared each other secret, like u told in ur fic..

thank u for this beutiful fic.
Omen-chan: Kirito - Flowersomen1x2 on December 20th, 2008 01:54 am (UTC)
*hugs* Thank you! I prefer the term "friends" to "fan," though. I'm not so special that I'm worthy of fans. ^^;;;;

Yeah, I see that sometimes too. But the thing that always amazes me about them is the looks they have in their eyes when they're together. Just so warm and deep and full of love, and that's the side of them I always try to show in my writing.
(no subject) - jaemeijin on December 20th, 2008 03:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on December 20th, 2008 06:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - jaemeijin on December 21st, 2008 02:25 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on December 21st, 2008 04:54 am (UTC) (Expand)
sujusakana on December 20th, 2008 02:54 am (UTC)
This is too beautiful for words O___O

Omen-chan: Kirito - Solaceomen1x2 on December 20th, 2008 03:00 am (UTC)
*hugs* Thank you so much. ^o^
graveyardgrin on December 20th, 2008 03:49 am (UTC)
OMG. I LOVE THIS. I LOVE YOU. write moar. 8)
Omen-chan: Kohtaomen1x2 on December 20th, 2008 05:18 am (UTC)
Thanks, I love you too. I shall try. XD
jedi_babyjedi_baby on December 20th, 2008 07:18 pm (UTC)
great fic! i loved it. very jaechun, in my eyes. =D
Omen-chan: Angeloomen1x2 on December 20th, 2008 07:40 pm (UTC)
Thank you! ^o^
성희: Chewy?sungie86 on December 21st, 2008 05:30 am (UTC)
oh. my. god. a jaechun fic. #(%@)#(*)(IT*OIUIEUT. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE!?

there are people who get JaeChun and people who don't and those who don't get it don't write it and those who do, do, and you soooo totally do and omg. i'm rambling @_@ but for some reason, despite JaeChun being so utterly canonical that it's laughable, so few people are on that bandwagon! this is absolutely lovely and made my night <3 i love how delicately it's written, how it's almost non-fiction. almost, only because we don't really know ;) but i wouldn't be surprised...

you should def write more jaechun. DO IT. if you have any others, let me know @_@ i want to read!
Omen-chan: JaeChun Loveomen1x2 on December 21st, 2008 05:37 am (UTC)
*tackles* Oh, I love you already because exactly! Exactly exactly exactly! Everything you just said is what I've been thinking forever and it's so nice to hear it because JaeChun is so undervalued and it drives me up the freaking wall. *rambling also*

And yes, I've got more JaeChunnie fics! They're all listed in my sidebar, so they're nice and easy to find. ♥
( ̄ー ̄)☆☆ ジュンジュワ!: Chun ver.Cunder_an_oak on December 22nd, 2008 07:26 am (UTC)
asdfghjkl so fucking speechless in a good way. I held my breathe almost throughout the entire reading, chest aching in sympathetic pain and hope and asdfghjkl have my babies ♥
Omen-chan: Naoomen1x2 on December 22nd, 2008 07:30 am (UTC)
I woke up hurting because of this idea in my head, and I was hurting the whole time I wrote it, because ARGH, they're just so beautiful and emotional and I could just feel the heartache. ;_______;
(no subject) - under_an_oak on December 23rd, 2008 09:39 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on December 23rd, 2008 04:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - under_an_oak on December 23rd, 2008 04:18 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Angie: jaechunjt_fangirlism on January 8th, 2009 04:11 am (UTC)
sometimes there are writers that just make you forget that what you're reading is, in fact, fiction because they make it in such a way that it's too realistic, too believable and totally in tuned with what you witness in real life. and yeah, you are one of those..♥

the way you write jaechun warms my heart..

(and yes, i saved and read several of your jaechun fics all in one go and made a comment dump afterwards)
Omen-chan: Kirito - Rainbow Prideomen1x2 on January 8th, 2009 04:14 am (UTC)
Oh, wow, thank you so much. ♥ That's just one of the sweetest things anyone's ever said to me.

*gives you a nice blanket to wrap around your heart* ^o^
(no subject) - jt_fangirlism on January 8th, 2009 08:44 am (UTC) (Expand)
hangsanchunchunhangsanchunchun on May 21st, 2011 08:51 am (UTC)
Oh god, the way you write this fic make my heart be warn up.
JAECHUN here is so cozy, so soft, so grace, so LOVE,
i cant stop myself reading all ur works over again n again,
it seems so suprized or sudden, but i want to translate some of Jaechun fanfics that u wrote, give me reply if you permit me <3
p.s: keep writing more and more Jaechun, okay?
Love you<3
Omen-chan: Jaejoong Playing Chessomen1x2 on May 28th, 2011 12:54 pm (UTC)
Hey! I'm going to go ahead and delete one of the comments you made here, 'cause it looks like you double posted. No biggie, I just like to keep things neat and tidy, and I didn't want you to freak if LJ sent a "your comment has been deleted" email. ^^

Thank you so much! I'm glad you like them, and I'm sorry it took me a while to respond. I've just been a bit busy. >.<

I don't mind when people want to translate my fics, but I always give the same stipulations for it, okay? First off, please link to my original fic somewhere on your translation page, if possible, and make sure you use my username for the original writer. And second, I'd like to see a link to the completed translation website when you're done.

I'll try to get back into writing, but I just sort of got out of the groove and I haven't been able to pick it back up yet. But I'll do my best! ^o^
(no subject) - hangsanchunchun on May 29th, 2011 03:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)