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22 September 2008 @ 12:00 am
 
Title: Spiders
Author: omen1x2
Rating: R
Fandom: Kirito (Pierrot), hide (solo)
Disclaimer: Like all fanfic writers, I twist reality to please me.
Pairing(s): Kirito x hide, Kirito + Jun (mentioned), hide + Yoshiki (implied), hide + Girlfriend (Reiko)
Summary: The friendship between Kirito and hide was always rather strange. Snippets of various scenes throughout stages of their friendship.
Notes: Written as a very late birthday fic for yokozuki.




Spiders

by Omen-chan



The spider stopped just beside his light fixture.

Kirito, lying on his back on his living room carpet, raised his cigarette to his lips. His eyes followed the spider, face expressionless. Kirito briefly wondered what he would do if it laid eggs in his apartment, then decided he didn't care.

Without looking away from the spider, his hand automatically dropped his cigarette into his ashtray. He folded his hands over his chest.

It almost seemed like the spider was looking back at him.


*****


They were always a lot alike. After Kirito's confusing, hand-trembling introduction to him, they quickly became friends. Since his career was still burgeoning, Kirito didn't always understand some of the things Hide would say.

Hide had perfected the art of smoking and drinking simultaneously. Lighting his cigarette, beer mug still in hand, he looked utterly nonchalant, and moved like a poem.

Kirito made a mental note to practice until he too could pull that sort of thing off with perfect indifference.

"Musicians - the good ones - can never survive in the industry. It stands for politics, corporations, money, and everything music is against. Only the strongest people can constantly live like that without going insane or selling out. And musicians aren't strong people. We're human. We're weak. We all have our own addictions, and we have these addictions because we're weak." Hide downed half his beer. "The music industry. What an oxymoron. Mass-produced music with restrictions. It kills everything we stand for."

Kirito watched him silently, head tilted.

Hide gave him a small grin. "You don't have any idea what I'm talking about. As smart as you are, you're just like any other musician. Gotta make it big. And you will, no worries about that. But the music industry is nothing but a parasite. You'll have to learn to be stronger than it, or it'll kill you."

Kirito nodded as he sipped his water, taking Hide's words to heart.


*****


"Don't you ever sleep?"

Kirito shrugged and moved his phone to his other ear so he could keep writing. "Do you?"

"Of course I do. During the day, usually."

"So you can call people at night?"

"Damn straight. Got to drag people out of bed for some inane conversation."

"Only I was awake."

"Right. Completely ruined my evil plan."

"So sorry. Try calling someone else next time."

"Which brings me to my original question. Don't you ever sleep?"

Kirito couldn't think of a better response than a shrug, completely useless over the phone. "Yeah. Not till I'm done working, though."

"So, in other words, you don't sleep."

Kirito briefly wondered if he was that transparent.

"Whatever. I'm not your mother. Wanna go out for a drink?"

"I don't drink. I told you."

"Right, right. 'Cause of your guitarist. I remember. Wanna go out and watch me drink?"

Kirito eyed his half-written lyrics, then shrugged again. "All right."


*****


Kirito stood uncomfortably in Hide's entranceway.

Hide watched him in amusement, then turned and flopped down on his sofa, limbs akimbo. "When you're done staring at them, take off your shoes and come in here."

Moments later, Kirito walked into the living room, looking slightly huffy. Sitting down in the recliner, he crossed his arms over his chest. "You're drunk."

"And you sound like an indignant housewife. Of course I'm drunk; that's the whole point of drinking."

Kirito fought the reflex to stick his tongue out at him and failed. He was spending too much time with Jun.

Hide stuck his tongue back out at Kirito, then closed his eyes.

Kirito was struck with how tired he looked.

They stayed in that room, completely silent, for quite a while before Hide spoke again. "You're in love, aren't you?"

Kirito's mouth fell open, and he stared at Hide in abject horror. "What- How- Who-"

"Calm down. It's not that big a deal. Everyone falls in love. It's your guitarist, right? The one you've known forever?"

Kirito further perfected his impersonation of a fish.

"And before you ask, yes, it really is that obvious."

This conversation had gone far enough, Kirito decided. "How is any of this your business?"

"It's not. But that's why I wanted you to come over. There's something I wanted to ask you."

Kirito gave a wary nod, firmly deciding that if Hide turned pervy he'd throw a chair through the window.

"How do you deal with it?"

Kirito blinked. "How do I deal with it?"

"Yeah."

"Being in love?"

Hide nodded. "With a band mate, yeah."

"And my best friend." Kirito had many faults, but being slow certainly wasn't one of them.

"Yeah," Hide whispered.

"I don't."

Hide nodded, unsurprised.

"Some days are harder than others, but it's never easy."

"Does he know?"

"No." Kirito had no idea how to explain Jun's personality, with the intelligence and the naivete that was so intriguing, and how some things he wouldn't notice, simply because it wasn't in his nature. Having his best friend in love with him was one of those things. "Does Yoshiki know?"

Hide's gaze sharpened for an instant, then he shrugged and looked away. "Yes."

Kirito hesitated, then continued. "Does he-"

"Yes. No. Sometimes." Hide shrugged again, pain etched in every feature. "All of the above."

"How do you deal with it?"

"I don't."


*****


It had been a while since they'd last talked. Hide had been in America, and Kirito had been busy with Pierrot. And when they weren't busy, they were avoiding each other.

Still, a couple months later, Kirito found himself knocking on Hide's door.

The door opened, and Kirito stared in astonishment at the pretty young woman who'd answered his knock.

"Good evening. Is Hide at home?"

The young woman gave him a small smile, the corners of her eyes crinkling. "I'm afraid you just missed him. Would you like to come in and wait?"

Kirito shook his head. "No, thank you."

"Would you like to leave your name?"

But Kirito was already gone.


*****


"Hey, Reiko gave a description of someone that stopped by, and it was pretty obvious it was you. Wanna get a drink or something?"

Once the machine had stopped recording, Kirito deleted the message.


*****


It had been two weeks since Kirito had stopped by Hide's apartment and found Hide's girlfriend there. Several messages had been deleted from Kirito's machine, with Hide's voice varying in emotion each time - annoyance, hurt, anger, indifference, confusion.

That night found Kirito once again awake and working, untouched cigarette smoking in the ashtray, when someone started pounding on his door.

Kirito considered ignoring the person, but decided that a person knocking like that would probably keep knocking the rest of the night, and rose from his couch to answer his door.

An annoyed Kirito opened the door to be faced with a royally pissed off Hide.

"Phone busted?"

"...No."

"Legs broken?"

"No."

"Sudden deafness?"

"No."

"Then stop acting like a jilted bitch and answer your fucking phone."

Kirito's eyes darkened. "I'm not acting like that."

"Then why the hell are you avoiding me?"

"I'm not."

"Bullshit. You came to visit. Reiko answered the door. You left. You're acting like an asshole. What the fuck's going on?"

Kirito didn't plan on answering, but his response slipped out before he could stop himself. "It didn't take you long to get over Yoshiki, did it?"

He really wasn't surprised at the fist that flew out and connected with his jaw.

Out of the corner of his eye, Kirito could see Hide physically restrain himself from hitting him again.

"You deserved that."

"I know."

Hide pushed passed him and kicked off his shoes. "Where's your kitchen?"

"To your left."

Hide stormed off. Kirito could hear doors slamming and water running before Hide stormed back over with an ice pack and shoved it in Kirito's face. Kirito raised his hand to hold it there, but Hide didn't move. They just stood there in some strange pantomime of hand holding, glaring at each other.

"I'm not over him. I'm just a weak fucking human being that can't handle being alone."

When Kirito didn't respond, Hide had to again restrain himself from hitting him. "And I suppose you're just so fucking perfect that a life of celibacy, pining after an eternal love doesn't bother you in the least."

Kirito winced. "That sounds so stupid the way you said it."

"It is stupid. It's pathetic. It's disgusting."

"But that's not why you do it."

"No. Unrequited love is pathetic all on its own. It doesn't matter what you do about it. Like I said, I'm just weak and can't handle being alone."

"Why not?"

Hide growled and pulled his hand away from Kirito's. "You're not that strong either. Why do you think you can't sleep at night? I know you better than you think. I know because we're the same. I know you look at your cold empty bed at night, and it sickens you. You could no more sleep on it alone than you could fly. So you bury yourself in your work because that's how you handle how pathetic you are. I just sleep with a perfectly nice, sensible girl that's way too good for me."

"She doesn't mind that you don't love her?"

"She doesn't know. That's why she's too good for me. I'm a sleaze. Even you think so."

"I don't think you're a sleaze."

"Then what was all this shit the past two weeks? You saying you weren't avoiding me because you think I'm some sort of cheating scum? Even though I'm not actually in a relationship to cheat on?"

They continued to glare at each other.

"I know what you've been thinking, Kirito-sama. I know because I think the same god damn thing about myself every fucking day. So get off your fucking high horse."

"You hate yourself when you do it. Why do it?"

Hide moved closer until his chest touched Kirito's. "You know why. You would do the same thing if you could."

Kirito's brow furrowed, and he moved his ice pack away from his face. "Does that make me stronger or weaker than you?"

"Neither. It makes us the same."

Neither of them were very surprised when they kissed, hard and angry and full of heartbreak.


*****


They never really talked again, after that. Kirito wasn't sure if it was out of shame, or if the anger they had felt just couldn't be gotten over.

It didn't matter, regardless.

Kirito should have known better. Hide always said he was weak. He saw the world through so much truth that he couldn't even lie to himself.

Dark eyes emotionless, he continued to watch the spider as it scurried across his ceiling.



~fin~



I had a hell of a time deciding if they were going to sleep together, (proving Hide was right and they were both weak), or not sleeping together (proving Kirito right). In the end, I settled for suitably ambiguous, and anyone can choose.

This is completely different from anything I've ever written before, and I have absolutely no fucking idea how I feel about it. I just hope yokozuki likes it. I love you!

Also, I kept the name for Hide's girlfriend yokozuki had dubbed for her in her fic sex_____&rocknroll. Go read it, if you haven't. It's utterly brilliant. ♥
 
 
 
kohaku_kyoujinkohaku_kyoujin on September 22nd, 2008 09:09 am (UTC)
I like this story. It's pretty realistic, and I like your way of writing - its smooth - ni idea how call it otherwise - my english is still limited in that department ^^;
Omen-chanomen1x2 on September 22nd, 2008 03:41 pm (UTC)
Thank you!

My writing tends to focus on conversations, rather than descriptions, so maybe that's what you mean?

I don't really mind if I'm wrong, I'm just glad you liked it. ^___^
~Nuile~: orenuile on September 27th, 2008 12:00 pm (UTC)
OMEN-CHAN!!*hugs*
I'm saving the story for I have no time to read it. But I'm sure it's brilliant as usual. *__* THANK YOU!
Omen-chan: Dir en Grey - The Finalomen1x2 on September 27th, 2008 03:15 pm (UTC)
*glomp-tackles*

Okay! Let me know what you think, 'kay, darling? ♥
~Nuile~: kirinuile on October 4th, 2008 01:53 pm (UTC)
Wow... that was deep. After I finished reading I just sat for about half an hour and thought *___*
A really strange one but... wow... 0____0
Omen-chan: Kirito - Solaceomen1x2 on October 4th, 2008 03:18 pm (UTC)
Oooo... I'm glad what I wrote made you think so much. That's a major compliment. ^___^

Yeah, I know that it's way out of the norm, not just for me, but for everyone, but I put a lot of time and effort trying to get their personalities right, and their conversations sounding normal.