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06 July 2008 @ 02:01 pm
Title: Going On
Author: omen1x2
Rating: R
Fandom: Persona 3
Pairing(s): Yukari + Minato, Junpei + Minato, Junpei + Ryoji, Junpei + Chidori, Fuuka + Minato, Fuuka + Natsuki, Shinjirou x Akihiko, Akihiko + Minato, Mitsuru + Minato, Aigis + Minato
Disclaimer: I only own my two copies of the game, and sadly, nothing else.
Summary: Basically a series of character-driven drabbles, as each surviving member of SEES reminisces. Angst and spoilers.

Going On

by Omen-chan


I think it's stupid of me to miss him as much as I do. I keep telling myself to move on, get over it, nothing can change, but all it does is make me want to lash out.

As I'd sat by his hospital bed... again... and the heart monitor just stopped... I'd thought I was going deaf, for a moment. He couldn't have died. He'd defeated Nyx; he'd always been the strongest one. Death just didn't make sense. But I guess that was why it had to happen. It didn't make sense; it was the last thing we'd ever expected, just like everything else connected with him, it seems. Against all odds, our memories had returned, just in time for us to lose him.

I'm scared, too, underneath the anger. What if... I was one of the people that secretly wanted Nyx to come? What if I was one of the people that killed him?

And then, slowly, like some sort of gift, memories hit. I remember as he calmly sat beside us in our meetings, as Junpei or I fought... Coming in late during the evenings, probably helping some old man find the meaning of his life. For someone that barely ever spoke, he always seemed to bring light with him. Even the memories of him help me.

And that's when I laugh at myself. Love is love, and of course there's nothing negative in those memories. We were lucky to even have him for that year.


It's really shitty that I never got to play video games with them. Stupid, huh? That that's what I regret the most?

I can picture it so well, too. Chidori with that... look on her face, while she holds the controller like it might bite her. Probably not even sure what to do with it, that poor, deprived girl. I always loved that look she got on her face, though, like I was the stupidest creature ever to exist and she couldn't understand why she let me hang around. Brought out her eyes real nice.

Ryoji would be the best. We'd play for about ten minutes before we started talking about girls, and then we'd completely forget about the game. Maybe mess around a bit too, 'cause it was Ryoji, you know? So simple and best-friend-like and safe.

Minato would suck to play with. He'd probably perfect a game in just a few seconds and then totally kick my ass. Like some sort of law of the universe: Arisato Minato Shall Kick Ass in All Things. I used to resent it, how he'd manage to be perfect in every god damn thing he did.

I've got this one memory of him, right? I was fucking exhausted to the point of death (or at least it felt like it), and for once I didn't say anything. I figured they'd figure it out eventually, being a team and all, but Minato caught on, like, fucking immediately. Just sauntered over with his hands in his pockets the way he does and handed me a Cutlet Sandwich. Like, from the school store. And all I could do was sit there and wonder what crevice of the universe he'd pulled that from, because I couldn't believe he'd actually bought one at the store and then saved it, for just such an occasion. Just for me.

Those sandwiches were fucking impossible to get, for starters.


I don't want to cook anymore. I could always cook for Yukari-chan, or Junpei. But it almost feels like I would be... cheating.

Cheating's such an ugly word. And somehow, cooking to me has become an act of love. Maybe it's because Minato-kun was the first person I ever cooked for, or maybe because Natsuki-chan was always so proud of me when I learned how to cook a new meal.

Really, though, I think it might be something else entirely. Maybe some part of me believes that, if I'm good and faithful enough, they'll come back to me. Silly, right?

Still, I water my plants at home (Minato-kun gave me that vase, Natsuki-chan gave me that fern), and I wait patiently. I ignore the fighting of my parents, and read, or research on my computer, or almost anything I can do in my room. I have it set up exactly the way it was in the dorms.

It's easier to be faithful when you feel like you're home, with the people that gave your life meaning.

But maybe one day I'll try cooking again. I don't think they would want me to just give up. They're stronger than that, so I should be too.


Do you remember that day you finally agreed to come back, Shinji? It's so stupid, but I was actually jealous of Minato and Ken, that they could bring you back when I couldn't. I mean, I knew why Ken's presence in SEES was enough to make you change your mind, but jealousy's irrational, just as much as love is.

Sillier still to be jealous of Minato. If ever there was anyone that didn't really do anything to invite affection (but somehow managed to get it anyway), it was him.

Then, when you left, I started to wonder... Was I just jealous of them? Or was I jealous of Minato's affection too?

Weird, huh? It's not like I ever particularly wanted him to look at me, exactly, but the idea of him looking at someone else made me just as stupid and jealous as the idea of you looking at someone that wasn't me.

I think the two of you are a lot alike. And don't argue. I know you're probably rolling your eyes, but it's true. You both snuck up on me and got under my skin and in my thoughts and feelings without even trying. Or even noticing, probably.

You remember that first night? The best night of my life, and always will be. Just a week later, you lost control of your Persona and left. I always kind of wondered, you know? Personas are us, manifestations of our psyche (if I want to sound smart about it), and you'd never had trouble controlling yours before. Maybe getting together had turned some sort of page, and caused everything to go haywire. Maybe that's why you started taking those pills, and stopped sleeping with me.

You and Minato... You were both always so much stronger.

Say hi to him for me.


It is rather lonely, in a new school, away from everyone else. Akihiko goes to a different college, and of course everyone else is still in their own schools. Reading no longer is much of an amusement anymore; it has become something of an act of self-defense. I do not make small talk, and becoming acquainted with the students in my new dorm holds very little appeal for me. All I can do is read.

Being one of the top students in Tokyo University is no small feat, but I can take no credit. It is not through natural intelligence or a drive to study that leads me to such a high honor, but that there is nothing left to do but read. And while I'm reading, I might as well be studying, as there is no need to waste time.

Occasionally, I'll walk by a ramen shop on the way back from school, and I'll find myself smiling. So astonished at the rare feeling of happiness, I'll go in and order something, anything. Perhaps use the ramen eating etiquette you were so kind as to show me. Eventually, however, I look at the empty seat beside me and my appetite fades. Leaving my bowl still half-full, I make my apologies to the chef. Yes, it was most delicious. No, there is nothing wrong with my order, but I am afraid I am not as hungry as I had thought. So woefully ill-bred of me.

I sometimes consider bringing about a SEES reunion, because, of course, it is not only you I miss. Perhaps we could have another sushi party, in order to keep Iori happy.

Then I remember you will not be there.

And I pick up another book.


It is a sad thing, to fail to protect that which you have sworn to. I do not believe I shall ever actually forgive myself for letting him slip away, right there, in my grasp.

And yet I am thankful. Not at the loss of him, but that he fulfilled the spirit of my mission, if not the letter. I understand that I had wanted to protect him in order to protect humanity. It was simply through the loss of him that we were saved.

And yet it is not simple. Being human, I have come to learn, is never simple. There is no black and white, right or wrong way, as I have always believed. If they had done what I had believed right in the killing of Ryoji, Nyx would have destroyed us all. It was only by doing what I believed wrong that saved us, and in the saving, lost what we cherished most.

There are times when I wish I had never woken up. I may have been able to stay with him. I am merely a machine, a creation, but perhaps he would have shown me the way, and I could have been back where I belonged, at his side.

But he would not have wanted that, I know. I have since learned to understand that such thoughts are self-pitying, and they are not worthy of him.

One day, I will be able to suppress those thoughts completely. I do not think, however, that they will ever truly die.


I like my coffee black.

Before, it was just one of those things that I forced myself to like, in order to be an adult. Perhaps, if I were an adult, I would be strong enough to defeat the one that murdered my mother. Perhaps, if I were an adult, I would be able to understand why.

Now, I like my coffee black for a much simpler reason, and one I am more proud of admitting.

That's how they drank their coffee: black.

They were the strongest, bravest people I've ever known, and if I can be just a little bit like them, I'll be satisfied.

So, I ignore the mixed looks of my classmates - respect and envy and ridicule. They can't possibly understand what it means to me, drinking my coffee black.

I still want to be strong, but not for the same reason. I want them to look down and be proud of me. My mother, and Shinjirou, and Minato.

So, I smile, and take another sip.


I am proud of them, my teammates. They have finally learned to balance loyalty, love, and remorse. They each, in their own ways, wait for the people they love, and I honor that.

There is nothing wrong with love. And although I miss my master, Shinjirou, and Minato as well, I am not worried. I shall protect them in death as well as in life, and I do not regret, or wish what has happened to reverse itself. Although they have not all yet come to terms with that, they are progressing, and I know you are as proud of them as I am, are you not, Minato? They have finally managed to move on, still holding their memories of you close, but not too close.

Don't worry. I'll bite them if they start to slip.


Of course, I have no idea if Shinjirou and Ken's mother drank their coffee black, but I'm using a coupon for poetical license, so we'll just accept it for now, right? ^^;;

Comment, please!
Le prince des ténèbres: Blush - Nonocfirefly on July 6th, 2008 07:36 pm (UTC)
I can picture it so well, too. Chisato with that... look on her face

Maybe you mean Chidori?
Omen-chanomen1x2 on July 6th, 2008 07:51 pm (UTC)
Oooops. *fixes*
Baahurricanine on July 7th, 2008 02:24 am (UTC)
*random lurking creature*

I'm so bad about spoiling myself. XD I'm on January 1st, actually, but I couldn't help it. ^^;

But Koro-chan's made me cry. ;-; *wibbles*
Omen-chanomen1x2 on July 7th, 2008 02:27 am (UTC)
Yeah, spoilers are practically impossible to avoid these days, unless you were like me the first time I played it and... you know... did pretty much nothing else until completion. (Seriously, there were nights when I didn't even sleep.)

Awwww... I'm sorry... *Koro-chan licks you repentantly*
Baahurricanine on July 8th, 2008 02:20 pm (UTC)
Meh, the Parentals force me to shut my PS2 off. *headdesks repeatedly* And the lure of fanfic is too strong. :D
sodɑpops。: simca -  plastique on July 7th, 2008 02:48 am (UTC)
Oh my god, I cried so hard after finishing the whole thing. Each time I read a different character's perspective, I teared up even more. It so, so wonderful to read such a sad fanfiction. No fic has ever done that to me before ;___; Plus, me being a huge Persona fan made me cry even more because of the whole *spoiler spoiler* thing.

Your writing is so beautiful.

Please, write more like this one? ;____; <3
Omen-chanomen1x2 on July 7th, 2008 02:52 am (UTC)
Oh, thank you so much! As guilty as it makes me feel that I made you cry, it's still nice to know my writing is powerful enough to do that. It's a very complex emotion.

I'll try! *hugs*
Aoki Hidetoshihidetoshi_aoki on July 7th, 2008 07:03 am (UTC)
While it may have a big impact on them now, there will come a day, like 5-10 years later, where it will all be a fading memory.

And when that time comes, "he" will still not weep. Because he knew it was worth it.

This was great :3 I hope to see more from you!
Omen-chanomen1x2 on July 7th, 2008 07:05 am (UTC)
Thank you! ^^
Tirchaotic_blue on July 7th, 2008 10:11 pm (UTC)
Nice drabbles. My only criticism is that this seems to take place between P3 and FES, and Yukari's is markedly out of character to judge by her behavior in FES.