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27 June 2008 @ 12:16 am
Title: Dancing Shoes
Author: omen1x2
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Pierrot
Pairing: Kirito x Jun
Summary: Kirito, the self-proclaimed best dancer of Pierrot, tries to teach Jun to dance. narcolepticnemu's request for crack!fic KiriJun. So, here's my short li'l attempt. ^o^

Dancing Shoes

by Omen-chan

Kirito stared at Jun in astonishment. Something was going wrong somewhere.

"How are you not getting this? I haven't even shown you how to move your feet yet!"

Jun huffed, deeply annoyed. "I. Am. NOT. Rubbing. Myself. There."

"You want to learn how to dance, don't you? I mean, you came to me."

"Not everyone dances the way you do, Kirito!"

"Well, they should. And rubbing my crotch is how I dance."

Jun felt like throwing things. Maybe aimed in a very specific direction towards a very specific person. "When I said I wanted to learn how to dance, I didn't mean like this!"

Kirito grinned. "A horizontal hustle, then? Jun, I'm surprised at you."

"Get your mind out of the gutter."

"It's always in the gutter. It's bought real estate and settled quite comfortably with four dogs, two turtles and a cat."

Jun stared at him.

"My mind's not allergic to cats."

".......... Whatever." Moving quickly away from the strange turn Kirito's conversations always seemed to take, he swirved the conversation back on course. "I want to learn how to slow dance."

Kirito pondered this for several moments. "...... Slow crotch rubbing?"

"......... Forget it. I'll ask Kohta."


Several hours later, a sweating, bone-weary Jun plunked down right on the floor. Grinning up at his partner, he asked, "That wasn't so bad, was it?"

Kirito sniffed. "You have shitty rhythm for a musician."

Jun smothered a laugh, quite well-pleased at his success at pretending he didn't know how to dance, and sprawled out on the floor. Making Kirito jealous was always a successful tactic.

Kirito eyed Jun's beatific expression suspiciously. ".......... You do know how to dance, don't you."

Jun shrugged in unsurprised apathy at Kirito's amazing ability to read his mind. "I just had three hours of mutual grabbing, with you none the wiser. It's awesome to one-up you."

"Enjoy it now, pretty boy." Jun twitched. He hated being referred to as "pretty," let alone a "pretty boy." "Because now I must exact my revenge."

"Exact away, because I'll make sure the whole world knows that I pulled one over on you." He sighed happily. "Ah, sweet, intoxicating victory."

Jun watched through lidded eyes as Kirito turned to walk away, and then reached out and grabbed Kirito's ankles with both hands.


Kirito's groan came out muffled from where his face had hit the floor.

Jun let out an ungodly shriek and sat up quickly, rolling the hapless Kirito over. "Oh my god, Kirito! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you!"

Kirito whimpered and covered his face. "I'm dying."

"No, you're not! Stop lying! You're not allowed to die!" Frantic, Jun looked around the abandoned studio for a miracle, perhaps Aiji springing up out of nowhere in a spray of faery dust and waving a magic wand to fix their vocalist.

Or maybe not.

A finger poked Jun's nose, and he turned his tearful gaze back onto Kirito.


Jun stared at Kirito. Kirito stared back at Jun.

And they both smacked each other, saying simultaneously, "You suck."

Jun sighed and stood up, tucking his hands in his pockets. "Could you show me how to do that crotch thing again?"

Kirito grinned up at him. "Do I need to get up, or can I show you from down here?"

Jun blushed and sputtered incoherently.

"Down here it is, then."


What.... the hell was that? Well, I guess "crack" really would be a fitting word for it. O.O
Naoちゃん: Alice nine Nao Foot Massagersykem on June 27th, 2008 05:21 am (UTC)
AHAHAHAHA! I haven't seen a good humor fic in forever! That almost had me in tears XP
Omen-chanomen1x2 on June 27th, 2008 05:23 am (UTC)
*glomps* THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK YOUUUUUUUUUUUU! I was so unsure if it was any good. Also, I was trying to throw that out while talking to you, so I was majorly distracted (although having major fun). XD
A: *licks you* XDnarcolepticnemu on June 27th, 2008 07:26 am (UTC)

Your Kiri x Jun fics are always the best.

"I want to learn how to slow dance."

Kirito pondered this for several moments. "...... Slow crotch rubbing?"

Omen-chan: I love my fandom. ^___^omen1x2 on June 27th, 2008 07:32 am (UTC)
Weeeeee thankies! I love you too. ♥ ^o^

Kirito said it himself - his brain lives in the gutter. I wonder if it ever takes vacations and manages to go someplace else?
A: Sakidork [Nightmare]narcolepticnemu on June 27th, 2008 07:38 am (UTC)
Why would it want to do that, when the gutter is such a fun place to be? XDDD
Omen-chan: Takeoomen1x2 on June 27th, 2008 07:59 am (UTC)
An excellent question. Why would one want to leave the gutter? I've been happily settled there for years. XD
j: tetsu smileichiei on June 27th, 2008 01:29 pm (UTC)
"Kirito pondered this for several moments. "...... Slow crotch rubbing?"

I really enjoy reading your fics~~! This one was so cute and comedy. :DD
Omen-chan: Kirito - Lightomen1x2 on June 27th, 2008 02:22 pm (UTC)
Awwwww, thank you! ♥
Rebokapike on June 27th, 2008 03:44 pm (UTC)
AIIIIIIIIIIIII!! This was so freaking funny!!! I loved it!!! especially where Kirito was talking about how he bought a house in the gutter and etc..that part made me laugh out loud..rreally loudly!
Omen-chan: Takeoomen1x2 on June 27th, 2008 06:14 pm (UTC)
I like to imagine that Kirito's house is right next to mine in there. XD

Sakura the Cookie Monstersakura121 on June 27th, 2008 06:34 pm (UTC)

Now that's one hell of a dance lesson. x333
Omen-chan: Angeloomen1x2 on June 27th, 2008 06:42 pm (UTC)
And just think of Jun's face when Kirito told him, as if it were the most normal thing in the world, to rub his crotch rhythmically. Probably while rotating his hips. XD
Sakura the Cookie Monstersakura121 on June 27th, 2008 06:47 pm (UTC)
Oh totally! Starting off with O_O; and ending with ¬_¬;
Omen-chan: Takeoomen1x2 on June 27th, 2008 06:49 pm (UTC)
And Jun wanting to smack himself at his shock, because he should be used to Kirito by now. XD
Sakura the Cookie Monstersakura121 on June 27th, 2008 06:49 pm (UTC)
Exactly! xD
Tsukushijuusuikan on June 29th, 2008 11:15 am (UTC)
Nice @.@