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27 April 2008 @ 09:40 pm
Title: Ghosts
Author: omen1x2
Rating: R
Fandom: Pierrot, ALvino, Angelo
Pairing: Jun + Kirito; Kirito x Jun
Summary: Even after all this time, Jun can still see the ghosts of Pierrot in their old venues. Angsty ficlet.


by Omen-chan

I'm haunted. Even after two years, I can't escape the echoes of laughter and singing and playing and gentle strums of guitars. Little tinkling bicycle bells and smashed furniture and hints of giggles. The ghosts follow me everywhere. Into my apartment and in the recording studio and when we're mixing - especially when we're mixing. Sometimes I'll be in Gary Stout's office and smell a familiar mix of cigarettes and cologne. It's heady and intoxicating and it kills me every time. And I always go back, even for that small, torturous nostalgia.

But nothing compares to when I'm performing.

The same old venues, even some of the same old faces in the crowd. Occasionally, I'll sense someone at my side in the throes of my playing, and turn, expecting to see... but never. And I bite my lip and shut my eyes. Partly to imagine what I want. Partly to cover the tears. I would never hurt Shouta with the knowledge that, for an instant, his presence wrenches me so painfully it makes me want to die.

But it's worse in the hallways, in the rooms where we'd seemed to live. For years. Performance after performance, each live hall seemed to blur and connect and seem as if we weren't performing a series of concerts, but one long, endless one, the story of our lives written in a hidden mural on the walls.

Now, each familiar place is as distinct and real as a punch in the gut. I can remember every moment, every joke, every argument. Every whispered moan, every touch, every heartbeat as clear to me now as the very moment they lived.

Kohta on the sofa. Takeo had sat there, back to the mirror. Aiji laughing as he played his guitar.

Kirito, in the middle of it all, joking and laughing and fixing his hair as he made sure everything was perfect for all of us.

And me, by the doorway, watching it all and joking with the rest of them as I took my pictures. I always took pictures.

Did I know it was going to end one day? Because of me? Is that why...?

No. I just wanted every moment with them captured, every nuance and shrug and temper tantrum. Every wink and smile and hug.

I never knew that those same things would haunt me to this day. Why would I?

I'd always thought we'd be together, and I loved them too much to lose anything to the fluctuations of time, never realizing that the memories were stronger than life, and could eat at you until there was nothing left.

Familiar places, familiar life. But not the same. Now, I'm with other friends, another band, and those people that had been such a part of my life are gone. I can forget, sometimes.

But then I open my eyes and see those familiar walls, etched with memories. Kirito nuzzling my cheek, caressing my shoulders, loving me in every way he could. Hands warm and lips hot and sweat mingling, never sure which were mine and which were his.

And those ghosts are the worst of all.


I guess this would be my oh-so-cheerful, early happy birthday Jun fic. Geez. I feel evil.
super fool super evil crazy idiot: kirito 6ex_elektrajo577 on April 28th, 2008 11:00 am (UTC)
i loved it so much.. ♥
Omen-chan: Angeloomen1x2 on April 28th, 2008 01:45 pm (UTC)
Thank you! ♥
jichiei on May 18th, 2008 01:18 pm (UTC)
Such a beautiful. I really like it. ♥

You rock o// Kirito x Jun too. :D
Omen-chanomen1x2 on June 2nd, 2008 02:27 am (UTC)
Hehe. Thanks much! ♥

Also, that icon is adorable.
cadkittencadkitten on June 6th, 2008 02:57 am (UTC)
Poor Jun *hugs him*
Omen-chan: Junomen1x2 on June 6th, 2008 04:30 am (UTC)
I know. This one made me wanna cry. More, I mean. T____T
Ravenheartedspider on September 2nd, 2008 10:44 am (UTC)
Cheer up! I really liked the flow of it, and even had I not been Pierrot fan I am, I would think it is interesting piece of literature, with a good composition and I would be tempted to seek either more of it or find who those people are if it's a fic based on real people--

Though knowing what's up makes it even more interesting and a really emotional take on what I believe more of the fans miss about Pierrot fame... So definitely a nice thing. I'm glad you posted it.
Omen-chan: Pierrotomen1x2 on September 2nd, 2008 04:06 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much. It's wonderful to get an intelligent comment like this one, and I'd love to hear more from you when you have time. ^___^
Ravenheartedspider on September 3rd, 2008 08:34 am (UTC)
You're welcome! Live to serve. :)