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10 March 2006 @ 04:59 pm
Random... Very Random.  
Title: The Reason…
Author: omen1x2
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: …..All of them? And if I leave any out, I sincerely apologize. This was a spur of the moment thing.
Pairings: None or all. However you want to interpret it is fine with me!
Warnings: Humor. Go get an extra set of underwear.
Special Notes: An idea that occurred to me while pondering the reason why so many bands are releasing new albums/singles/dvds and talking with MiyaviMiracle on YouTube.




The Reason…


L’Arc~en~Ciel
Hyde: Yuki. Go get me cigarettes.
Tetsu: (pauses from bouncing off the walls) Bad, Hyde! No ciggies!
Ken: Me, too.
Yuki: You have twenty packs in your jacket.
Ken: Do you honestly think that’s enough?
Yuki: …no…
Ken: Exactly. They’ll last me ten minutes. Tops.
Tetsu: (pounces Ken) NOOOOOO!!!!!!! Too much! Too much!
Yuki: (leaves)
Ken: Tetsu… off.
Tetsu: (pops a lollipop into Ken’s mouth)
Ken: (is distracted)
Hyde: (is ignoring them)


Gackt
Gackt: I require cigarettes.
Millions of Loyal Fans: Yes, master!


Pierrot
Kirito: (throws various objects around the room, not caring where they land. Or even if they kill someone)
Jun: (pulls aside the manager) You might want to get him some cigarettes…
Manager: Huh?
Jun: He’ll throw you next.
Manager: Huh?
Jun: And I can’t promise you’ll survive…
Manager: But-
Aiji: Yeah, get me some too!
Takeo: And me!
Kohta: I want some!
Jun: …And… while you’re out… you might as well get me some too.
Manager: (moves to leave)
Jun: Oh, here’s the name of Kirito’s favorite brand.
Aiji: If you mess up, he’ll kill you.
Manager: I need a new job…


Dir en Grey
Kyo: CIGARETTES. NOW.
Everyone Else: (is terrified)


Gazette
Aoi: My god, I need a smoke.
Uruha: Do you always look post-coital when you say that?
Aoi: Huh?
Everyone Else: (stares at him, drooling)
Uruha: I mean, when I do that, I do it on purpose.
Aoi: What are you talking about?


Miyavi
Miyavi: (primps)
Millions of Loyal Fans: (stare)
Miyavi: (suddenly starts screaming)
Millions of Loyal Fans: What? Do you need cigarettes?
Miyavi: What are you talking about? I quit smoking!
Millions of Loyal Fans: …
Miyavi: (runs screaming around the room)


In Heaven
hide: I need a smoke.
God: But…
hide: (pouts)
God: Fine…


Back on Earth
Yoshiki: (on the phone) Indeed, Prime Minister, I think it’s unnecessary for you to-
Yoshiki: (pauses)
Yoshiki: Never mind. I don’t care about the state of the country. I need cigarettes.
Yoshiki: (hangs up)
Yoshiki: (flips through a huge black notebook) Which of my cigarette companies should I call…


(Are we seeing a pattern? Don’t worry. It’ll make sense soon… I hope.)


Alice Nine
Saga: (bursts into the room) WHERE IS MY DRAGONBALL COLLECTION?!
Sho: (bursts into the room) WHERE ARE MY CIGARETTES?!
Tora: ……
Sho: (points) That was my cigarette pack!
Tora: (shrugs)
Nao: (bounces off the walls)
Hiroto: (catches Nao with a net)
Saga: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING TO ME! WHERE IS MY DRAGONBALL COLLECTION?!


In a Random Convenience Store
Ken: What do you mean you’re out of cigarettes?!
Sales Clerk: (cowers behind the counter) Well… You see…
Yuki: How can you possibly be out of cigarettes?!
Tetsu: (whispering to the sales clerk) If you say anything I’ll kill you.
Tetsu: (smiles eerily)
Hyde: (is a miniature bundle of fury) I. Want. Cigarettes. NOW.
Kyo: (climbs onto the counter) Grrrrrrrrr…
Sales Clerk: (faints)


In Another Random Convenience Store
Jun, Aiji, Kohta, and Takeo: (hide under the counter)
Kirito: (destroys everything)


In Yet Another Random Convenience Store
Gackt: I require cigarettes.
Sales Clerk: (stares. And has lost the ability to speak)
Gackt: Stupid peasants.
Miyavi: (bursts in and runs screaming before quickly running back out)
Gackt: (ignores him)


And…. Yet ANOTHER Random Convenience Store
Ruki: WE NEED CIGARETTES!
Sales Clerk: But we don’t have any-
Uruha: (pounds the counter) Listen, WE NEED CIGARETTES!
Sales Clerk: But-
Uruha: You’re NOT LISTENING. When Aoi asks for cigarettes like that, we DAMN WELL get him cigarettes!
Aoi: (still clueless)
Reita: This is necessary for our mental well-being!
Kai: (pouts with full force)
Ruki, Reita, Uruha, and Kai: NOW GET THOSE GOD DAMN CIGARETTES!!!
Aoi: Really, guys, it’s not necessary to-
Ruki, Reita, Uruha, and Kai: NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


And…. Yes, A Convenience Store of Randomness. This Time, in Heaven
hide: ………………
Angelic Store Clerk: (stares)
hide: You’re saying you’re……
Angelic Store Clerk: (still staring)
hide: Out.
Angelic Store Clerk: (still staring)
hide: Of cigarettes.
Angelic Store Clerk: (manages a nod)
hide: In heaven.
Angelic Store Clerk: Yes…. Sir….
hide: What the fuck?!
Angelic Store Clerk: (holds up an autograph pad) Could you sign this?
Yoshiki: (walks in) Hey, hide.
hide: (ignoring the sales clerk) Yoshiki! (hugs the drummer/pianist/songwriter/backstage ruler of the world)
Yoshiki: Are they out too?
hide: Yes. (pouts)
Yoshiki: What the fuck?!
hide: That’s what I said.
Yoshiki: Damn it. I called every company I own! What’s going on?!
hide: Hey, Yoshiki..
Yoshiki: Hmmm?
hide: How the hell did you get here?
Yoshiki: I own heaven.



All of the Bands/Artists: (frustrated) That’s it! We’re going to steal everyone’s money via new releases!



A Random Back Alley
Saga: (hiding every pack of cigarettes in the world) That’ll show them. No one steals my Dragonball Collection!





That…. was really random. What the hell is wrong with my mind? Whatever. Let me know what you think!
 
 
 
whisper all those sweet forevers in my earkazou_kiriyama on March 10th, 2006 11:22 pm (UTC)
XD!!! That made me laugh out loud! Especially Aoi's way of asking for cigarettes XDD

hide: How the hell did you get here?
Yoshiki: I own heaven.


Yoshiki pwns everything and everyone!! *___*
Omen-chanomen1x2 on March 10th, 2006 11:38 pm (UTC)
I could see it. Would not be surprising at all.

And thanks for commenting!
(no subject) - kazou_kiriyama on March 10th, 2006 11:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on March 10th, 2006 11:45 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - kazou_kiriyama on March 10th, 2006 11:49 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on March 10th, 2006 11:50 pm (UTC) (Expand)
evespikeyevespikey on March 10th, 2006 11:31 pm (UTC)
That was friggin awesome, you got everyone EXACTLY right, especially Meevers, Yoshiki and Gackt. XD
Although I refuse to believe Saga can PWN all, even Yoshiki?!? That's like an alternative world. *_*
Omen-chanomen1x2 on March 10th, 2006 11:40 pm (UTC)
Just don't get between Saga and his Dragonball collection.

And I love Miyavi. He's just so... random. And so am I. It's nice to know I'm not alone in the world.
saiko_yasha on March 10th, 2006 11:33 pm (UTC)
That. Was. AMAZING! I'm gonna somehow save this somewhere! (adds to memories) And I agree with kazou_kiriyama, I loved the Yoshiki line about owning heaven. It's funny because it's probably true. XPPPPP Keep talking to MiyaviMiracle and come up with another one of these!

I only have one concern: Why wasn't Kami (Malice Mizer) in heaven with hide? T_T But you made it so funny, I forgive you! *hugs*
Omen-chanomen1x2 on March 10th, 2006 11:41 pm (UTC)
O.O
OMG, I'm so sorry! I wrote this in about ten minutes, and I tried my best not to forget anyone... but DAMMIT! Kami! ;_;
fallenangelaila on March 11th, 2006 12:01 am (UTC)
XD *Dies laughing at the mental image of a chibi-Saga being all evil and hoard-y* You win at whatever the hell you want to win at. *gives cookies*
Omen-chanomen1x2 on March 11th, 2006 12:09 am (UTC)
Weeee! I win! At something! Weeeee!
*note to fallenangelaila:
Don't give Omen cookies. She turns into crazy Miyavi type. Really*

WEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
(no subject) - fallenangelaila on March 11th, 2006 12:33 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on March 11th, 2006 01:07 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - fallenangelaila on March 11th, 2006 02:08 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on March 11th, 2006 03:00 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - fallenangelaila on March 11th, 2006 11:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on March 12th, 2006 10:44 am (UTC) (Expand)
美瑠: 咲綺01karmik on March 11th, 2006 12:06 am (UTC)
HAHAHAHA. Omg, some parts made me crack up so badly and it's 2am :DDDD Fortunately I've learned to laugh quietly, thanks to all the jrockers.. I bet my family wouldn't appreciate if I just randomly burst out laughing in the middle of the night. o__O

Anyway, I looove Saga, Miyavi and Yoshiki in this. :DD Hahah. Really awesome, now I'm even more convinced that I totally need to read more of your fics. :)
Omen-chanomen1x2 on March 11th, 2006 12:10 am (UTC)
YES! Victory! Or, in true JRock form, VICtolii!

And yes! Go read my other stuff!
(Deleted comment)
Omen-chanomen1x2 on March 11th, 2006 01:08 am (UTC)
*giggles*
Indeed, I've never seen your grammar so bad.

And silly JRockers giving themselves lung cancer like that. Bad. *scolds*
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on March 11th, 2006 01:16 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - juusuikan on March 11th, 2006 01:22 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on March 11th, 2006 01:28 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - juusuikan on March 11th, 2006 01:32 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on March 11th, 2006 01:36 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - juusuikan on March 11th, 2006 01:41 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on March 12th, 2006 03:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - juusuikan on March 12th, 2006 04:05 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on March 12th, 2006 04:08 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - juusuikan on March 12th, 2006 04:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on March 12th, 2006 04:26 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - juusuikan on March 12th, 2006 04:47 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on March 12th, 2006 05:43 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - juusuikan on March 12th, 2006 08:14 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Akaneakane_desu_ka on March 11th, 2006 03:28 am (UTC)
hide: How the hell did you get here?
Yoshiki: I own heaven. = win
Omen-chanomen1x2 on March 11th, 2006 04:15 am (UTC)
Yeah, everyone loved that part...
Jali: ikkun & naoponjali_susundeiru on March 11th, 2006 04:24 am (UTC)
This was so demented. And I love every word of it. *dies laughing*
Omen-chanomen1x2 on March 11th, 2006 04:38 am (UTC)
Welcome to my mind. It is indeed a demented and scary place. And I love every second of it.

If you liked this one, go read my other fics. They're all Pierrot, but most of them are pretty humorous.

*is shameless*
morte_maidenmorte_maiden on March 11th, 2006 04:26 am (UTC)
hehe, I just got a mental image of a chibi Kyo giving the rest of his bandmates a death glare. And the poor poor manager of Pierrot...

Yay!! This made me happy! You win at life!
Omen-chanomen1x2 on March 11th, 2006 04:40 am (UTC)
*holding the Win at Life Award*
*teary-eyed*
I'd like to thank Hyde and the rest of L'Arc en Ciel...
And I'd especially like to thank hide for always being there for me... Even though I still plan on spanking him for dying too soon. *glares*


And go read my other stuff!

Honestly, I'm such a comment whore...
foughtnwon_onefoughtnwon_one on March 11th, 2006 04:45 am (UTC)
omg i love this!
stop making me love this.
hahaha i love the gazette bits,
they make me giggle ... a lot.
Omen-chanomen1x2 on March 11th, 2006 04:58 am (UTC)
*huggles* Thanks!

And I can't make you stop loving it! I want you to love it!
(no subject) - foughtnwon_one on March 11th, 2006 05:12 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on March 12th, 2006 10:47 am (UTC) (Expand)
shinjitsutoyume on March 11th, 2006 06:19 am (UTC)
HAHAHA! This is funny!
Strangely, this makes a lot of sense.
I won't be surprised if Yoshiki owns heaven. He owns everything.
So are you saying that the only reason Miyavi acts crazy while everybody else is somewhat "normal" err....calm would be a better word, is because he doesn't smoke.
I think that's me(actually it's the Starbucks talking).
Omen-chan: Miyavi - Shiny...omen1x2 on March 11th, 2006 08:47 am (UTC)
Naw... the reason why Miyavi acts crazy isn't because he doesn't smoke. It's 'cause he's Miyavi.

Besides, he still acted just as spastic when he was smoking anyway.

And true humor always makes sense. That's what makes it humor!
Claire: yo chestbaka_hanyou on March 11th, 2006 07:07 am (UTC)
XDDDDDDDD Total randomness!!! You win at life. ^^

Yoshiki: I own heaven.
OMh yes. He so does.
Omen-chanomen1x2 on March 11th, 2006 08:45 am (UTC)
Honestly, I've gotten so many Win at Life Awards because of this... to see my speech, go read some of the other comments.

*holding yet another Win at Life Award*
*teary-eyed*
I just never stopped believing!
Reppyreppy_ninja on March 11th, 2006 02:37 pm (UTC)
Yoshiki owning heaven was just....amazing!

And hide -faints.- Aww poor guy not having his cigarettes. XD
Omen-chanomen1x2 on March 11th, 2006 02:49 pm (UTC)
I know... poor baby... *huggles hide*
dazzling_momo on March 12th, 2006 12:47 am (UTC)
hahahha Yoshiki owns heaven :p
Omen-chan: Miyaviomen1x2 on March 12th, 2006 10:49 am (UTC)
Yes. Yes he does.

He also owns me and you and everything else.
(no subject) - dazzling_momo on March 13th, 2006 03:45 am (UTC) (Expand)
aliale on March 12th, 2006 02:05 am (UTC)
seriously...
I understand them all too well... I get so friggin' frsutrated when I'm in need of a smoke and I have non....

this was just too precious hun, great job! *hugs*
Omen-chanomen1x2 on March 12th, 2006 02:12 am (UTC)
Shouldn't you be asleep?

Anyway, thanks for reading!
(no subject) - aliale on March 12th, 2006 01:21 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on March 12th, 2006 03:14 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - aliale on March 12th, 2006 08:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on March 12th, 2006 08:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - aliale on March 12th, 2006 09:27 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on March 12th, 2006 09:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - aliale on March 12th, 2006 09:40 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on March 13th, 2006 05:43 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - aliale on March 13th, 2006 03:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on March 13th, 2006 05:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - aliale on March 14th, 2006 09:48 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on March 14th, 2006 04:27 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - aliale on March 14th, 2006 05:35 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on March 14th, 2006 05:39 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - aliale on March 14th, 2006 05:55 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on March 14th, 2006 06:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)