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17 January 2007 @ 09:29 pm
 
Title: Dazed
Author: omen1x2
Rating: R
Fandom: Pierrot
Pairing: Kirito x Jun
Summary: Jun's smiles always leaves Kirito breathless, and, moreover, thoughtless. Fluff and angst.





Dazed

by Omen-chan




Jun smiled at me. It always killed me - that smile. Sweet, pure, innocent... loving. It had the power to break down any barrier, could make anyone love him in an instant.

The first time he ever smiled at me, I was blindsided. It was powerful - a full on punch in the stomach. Or heart. And completely oblivious. He had no idea how much power he had.

I fell in love with him so quickly, it left me dazed. Like a drug, or, more accurately, staring full on into the sun after being in complete darkness all one's life.

Jun is my sun.

And, unlike the story of Icarus, my wings didn't melt when I tried to reach him.

I knew he loved me in that intellectual way that you know you're flying in an airplane, but it doesn't fully encompass your senses until you're plummeting to earth.



Jun waited for me to notice him, smile still in place. He knew I was lost in thought, and he probably knew, at some level, that my thoughts were of him.

And I think I knew, somewhere beyond my lost thoughts, that his smile was pained.

It's a pity the realisation was lost with the rest of my thoughts. Every feeling outside of the NOW disappeared when Jun bluntly told me-

"We're going on a date tonight."



Jun was determined to be cheerful. Even with the haze thrown over my mind from all his smiles, I could tell that he was smiling more because he would, rather than from any real happiness.

But I couldn't bring myself to ask the obvious question.

I think he was thankful for that.



I almost didn't think anything unusual of Jun following me home. But I knew that Jun had a plan, probably even a schedule, for everything that had happened, or would happen.

I still had no idea what these plans entailed. His smiles were still blindingly bright, and I couldn't shake myself out of the daze.



Jun wasn't made to be an aggressor. He didn't have the right personality for it. He was too kind, too mild-mannered, too easy-going. Too... Jun.

And yet, I still wasn't surprised when he pushed me against the wall, kissing me with such ferocity and desperation that I could barely kiss back with my bruised lips.



Our sex was just as hard and desperate as the kiss had been. All deep thrusts and skin and teeth. Biting and sucking, leaving fingernail marks everywhere.

Something in me whispered that this wasn't how it was supposed to happen. Our first kiss should have been years ago, our first sex all love and reverence and tenderness.

But I was just as desperate as him, and I came over and over into him, leaving me dazed.



After sex so determined and powerful, it should have been surprising that Jun got up to leave immediately after.

But, somehow, I wasn't surprised at all.



I saw his shoulders shaking as he pulled on his pants, and I couldn't bear it. I got off the bed, reacting the way I would have in the beginning, wrapping an arm around his waist and kissing his eyelids.

He reacted the way he always had then, burying his face in my neck, clutching me like a lifeline.

When was the last time I did this for him? I forget. Somehow, when I found myself growing stronger, I expected him to grow stronger with me. I didn't think he'd need my strength the way he used to.

He mumbles against my neck, voice hoarse and hiccoughing from his suppressed sobs. He was repeating my name - a continuous chain that would never end unless I interrupted him.

"What is it, Jun?"

Jun shook his head, clutching my neck even tighter.

I moved backwards towards the bed, sitting on it and pulling Jun onto my lap, everything in me loving and protecting him, until that was all I was. My very existence.

The second time was better, closer to what it should be, but the kisses were salty, creating a bittersweet feel to everything, even the orgasm.



"It's too late, Shinya."

I knew what he meant, but couldn't bring myself to reply. We'd waited too long. What should have been natural, pure... eternal, even, had been unseen or ignored for too long. It had been left stagnating for too long.

The kiss, the feral sex, even the unexpected date... All had been Jun's last desperate effort to recover what we had lost.

I was so blind that I hadn't even seen that we'd lost it. Jun was the only one that had the heart and brains and eyes to see.



Months. Months after the termination of Pierrot, even more months, years, really, since that disasterous date with Jun. Months since I had been fully sober. My wings had finally melted.

Kohta and Takeo were confused, and terrified for me, their fear nameless and walking in dark shadows, but still there.



Jun fascinated me with the way he moved. One wouldn't normally expect someone so adorable to move with elegance, and he didn't. Not really. But he had a fluidity of motion, expressive, and all his own. It endeared him to anyone that watched.

It didn't even occur to me that the reason why my thoughts had suddenly turned to such a thing was because Jun had sat down next to me.

I didn't even wonder why he was here, in a bar, his hatred of hatreds. Of course he was here. He was Jun, and I was Kirito. Inevitably brought together from the will of god, or each other, or both. Or neither. Who knew?

We couldn't get away from each other if we tried. And we never really tried. We thought we had, but everyone, including us, knew that it was a sham.

And Jun smiled at me. A real smile. The same smile he'd given me the day we met.

It didn't leave me dazzled. But it did make me feel like my heart had finally started beating again.

"I love you, Shinya - Kiri-chan."

And I woke up. Shaking myself out of the daze I'd been in for months, years, since birth, even.

And I smiled back.



~fin~



I wrote this whole thing while I was at work. I'm not sure if it makes sense, because I was basically trying to write it as a lost in thought and dazed mindset, which can be ridiculously hard to get across when you're trying to put it in a plot.
 
 
Current Mood: geekygeeky
Current Music: ID Attack
 
 
 
pandamanium on January 18th, 2007 07:03 am (UTC)
;.;

*sniffle* So saaaaaaaaad. But so gooooooood. *angst-whore* *brick'd*

I knew he loved me in that intellectual way that you know you're flying in an airplane, but it doesn't fully encompass your senses until you're plummeting to earth.
This is extremely fancy.

And the ending? Whywhywhy? *so depressed now*
Omen-chanomen1x2 on January 18th, 2007 07:07 am (UTC)
You know, I really loved that line, and I still don't know why.

You didn't like the ending? ;_;
(no subject) - pandamanium on January 18th, 2007 07:13 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on January 18th, 2007 07:19 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - pandamanium on January 18th, 2007 07:20 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on January 18th, 2007 07:23 am (UTC) (Expand)
Tsukushi: Kirito - emptyjuusuikan on January 18th, 2007 08:47 am (UTC)
*_*
shiny!
but. who was the uke? since Jun started it, who was it. it let me kind of confused.
Omen-chan: Kiritoomen1x2 on January 18th, 2007 05:18 pm (UTC)
But I was just as desperate as him, and I came over and over into him, leaving me dazed.

Yeah, see that's why I fit that line in there to try and clear up the confusion. XD
Tsukushijuusuikan on January 19th, 2007 06:29 am (UTC)
oh. o.o;

So romantic ^^
(no subject) - omen1x2 on January 19th, 2007 06:38 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - juusuikan on January 19th, 2007 07:35 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on January 19th, 2007 03:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - juusuikan on January 19th, 2007 04:00 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on January 19th, 2007 04:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - juusuikan on January 19th, 2007 04:11 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on January 19th, 2007 04:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - juusuikan on January 19th, 2007 04:25 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on January 19th, 2007 04:28 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - juusuikan on January 19th, 2007 04:32 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on January 19th, 2007 04:36 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - juusuikan on January 19th, 2007 04:37 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on January 19th, 2007 04:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - juusuikan on January 19th, 2007 04:49 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on January 19th, 2007 04:53 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - juusuikan on January 19th, 2007 04:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on January 19th, 2007 05:05 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - juusuikan on January 19th, 2007 05:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on January 19th, 2007 05:08 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - juusuikan on January 19th, 2007 05:17 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on January 19th, 2007 05:37 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - juusuikan on January 19th, 2007 05:40 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on January 19th, 2007 05:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - juusuikan on January 19th, 2007 05:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on January 19th, 2007 05:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - juusuikan on January 19th, 2007 06:39 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on January 19th, 2007 07:21 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - juusuikan on January 19th, 2007 07:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Suenegiyou on January 18th, 2007 02:22 pm (UTC)
wow... I mean... wow...

I have to read this again... *speechless*
not sure I get this... or do I? it's so confusing but... perfect, wow.... I'll read it again...
Omen-chan: Kirito x Junomen1x2 on January 18th, 2007 05:21 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much. ^____^
And I'm actually glad that it was confusing, because it was supposed to be. The only person that's supposed to understand being inside Kirito's head is Kirito. And me, apparently. *shrugs*
Piac: Moon Child Kei Mwahx_shock_me_x on January 18th, 2007 05:47 pm (UTC)
gaaahhh you know that angsty pretty boys are my one weakness!!!!!!

I LOVED this one, possibly my fave that you've written. it was a little confusing but I liked it and I loved the ending.

Why must you torture me with angst and pretty-ness?!!?!?!?
Omen-chanomen1x2 on January 18th, 2007 06:29 pm (UTC)
Ah, thank you! ^^

I still liked Alone, the best <---- the one fic I've written that I can bear to reread.
(no subject) - x_shock_me_x on January 18th, 2007 09:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on January 19th, 2007 12:21 am (UTC) (Expand)
aliale on January 19th, 2007 06:49 pm (UTC)
it's sad *sighs heavily*
that a desperate love finally shows when both parties know it's just for one time and leaves only all those "what if"s behind.

and to be true, that's a rather interesting topic for a writer to choose.
good job kates *pets*
Omen-chanomen1x2 on January 19th, 2007 07:22 pm (UTC)
lol
A common misconception - my writing chooses ME, not the other way around. I have no control over my muses or my mind, or even my pen. XD
Satchan: Did someone say sexy?superfreak46 on January 20th, 2007 01:02 am (UTC)
That was seriously gorgeous!!!! Write more, it's really interesting!
Roz Russo: totchi diecandied_robot on March 7th, 2008 06:44 pm (UTC)
So..... I realise that this fic is over a year old by now, but I just discovered it and I couldn't resist commenting.

Omg, this was so sad....! I just read all your word game ficlets, so this totally was like a slap in the face. I loved it, and now I think I need to hunt down the rest of your fics... xD
Omen-chanomen1x2 on March 8th, 2008 01:06 am (UTC)
I don't mind new comments! For old fics, new fics, doesn't matter! *bounces happily and hugs*

And thank you so much. My stuff's usually humorous or fluffy, but I always really enjoy writing my angst fics.
Roz Russo: hide weird lookcandied_robot on March 8th, 2008 05:06 pm (UTC)
Well I enjoy reading them. ^^ *hugs*

And I've been trying to work my way through all your stuff, but damn! You've been busy, ne?