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06 April 2006 @ 10:14 pm
 
Title: Behold, The True Dictator!
Author: omen1x2
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Pierrot
Pairing(s): Jun x Kirito (Ha!); Kirito x ?
Status: One-shot
Summary: Everyone loves Kirito. Jun is jealous. No, I didn’t mix up their names. Jun comes up with a plan. Kirito may think he’s the one with everything in control, but he’s terribly, horribly wrong… Humor.
Special Notes: An idea that occurred to me while rping with sakura121 and talking with Chelsea while a rock was stuck up my car’s ass. Don’t ask. Written for all the friends who have been upset lately, but mainly for mellifluous_sky, because she needs it.





Behold, The True Dictator!
By Omen-chan



It hadn’t always been like this. There had been a time when Jun was the sweet, loveable, innocent one. Kirito had changed all that.

Or, rather, the millions of Pierrot fans had changed all that.

No, that wasn’t it, either. It didn’t happen until after Kirito went solo. Then it had hit. And hit hard.

Kirito was much too popular for his own good.

Jun watched as yet another artist walked up to Kirito with stars in his eyes, asking Kirito to write a song for him. Coyly, he leaned in closer, saying that a duet would be lovely as well.

Jun broke a string on his guitar. He looked down at his guitar, momentarily imagining launching it at the stupid little boy’s head. Honestly, the guy was more than ten years younger than Kirito! Did he really think he had a chance?

Jun grimaced. Of course he did. Kirito wasn’t only too popular for his own good, but he was also too horny for his own good as well.

It was time to take drastic measures.



“Okay, has anyone seen Jun? We were supposed to go over this together!”

Kohta looked up at Aiji and shrugged. “No. He hasn’t been here all day.” Takeo nodded in agreement.

Aiji pouted. “But we were supposed to get this song done today! We were!”

Takeo rolled his eyes. “Stop acting like a baby, Aiji.”

Aiji stuck his tongue out at him. “I can act like a baby if I want!”

Kohta snickered and said, in Aiji’s defense, “Yeah, old man Takeo. Go get back in your wheelchair and leave us children alone!”



Kirito stared at Jun in surprise.

“Aren’t you… supposed to be at practice?”

Jun nodded and shrugged. “I didn’t really feel like going.”

Okay… Weird… Taking a deep breath, he decided he’d go ahead and ask the obvious question. “Why the hell are you camped out in my living room?”

Jun looked up from shining his pretty sword that probably wouldn’t have been able to cut cloth, let alone anything else, and grinned at Kirito. “You need to have someone look out for you!”

Kirito nodded wryly. “Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Anyway, I have a date tonight. Take your tent, your fake fire, and your useless sword and go camp out outside like a normal human being.”

Jun’s eyes took on a dangerous glint as he smiled at Kirito. “I don’t think so, lover boy.”

“Don’t think what?”

“You’re not having a date. Not on my watch.”

Jun watched his best friend warily as Kirito made his way closer to Jun smiling.



Kirito unceremoniously plunked Jun in the hallway outside his apartment and closed the door.

Jun pouted and sulked and scratched forlornly at Kirito’s doorway until Kirito opened it again.

Brightening, Jun was about to throw himself on his best friend when Kirito dumped the tent on Jun’s head and slammed the door again.

Jun waded through the folds of tent and stuck his head out, looking around and smiling sweetly at everyone staring at him. He turned to glare darkly at the door as he tried to think up another plan.

Jun grinned gleefully as a lightbulb turned on.

You may think you’ve won, Shinya, but you are far from correct. I shall succeed at last!



Aiji gave a little scream when something big, soft and brown fell on his head and covered him. “Don’t bury me yet! I’m still alive! I want to live, I say! I want to liiiiive!”

Jun rolled his eyes and threw his sword at Kohta, who caught it easily. “I’m going to be gone for a few days, guys. You’ll just have to finish the song without me.”

Takeo, probably the only one of the three not scared shitless at the dangerous glint in Jun’s eye asked, “Where are you going?”

Jun grinned. Everyone shuddered at the evil expression on the adorable face. “I’ll be at Kirito’s.”

Takeo nodded and backed away slowly, inching behind Kohta slightly as he did so. If there’s going to be a casualty here, it sure as hell isn’t going to be ME. At least Kohta has a sword. He peeked over Kohta’s shoulder and looked at it. At least, I think it’s a sword…

Kohta cleared his throat and backed into Takeo so that they were both moving away from the crazed guitarist. Aiji, trapped under the tent, gave them a panicked Don’t Leave Me Alone With Him look. “Well… Do you have any suggestions before you leave?”

Jun considered. “Why don’t we call it Hello?”

Takeo nodded quickly and nearly hit his head against Kohta’s who was also nodding like a madman. “Sounds good! We’ll go with that!”

Smiling, Jun left.

Aiji glared at them, still swimming in the folds of the humongous tent. “Now we have a lame ass name for our new single!”

“Did you want to argue?!”

Aiji was silent.

“Didn’t think so.”



Jun was fully prepared to use his ultimate weapon. Prepared and willing.

He rang Kirito’s doorbell.

Kirito answered, looking thoroughly disgruntled. (If the person at the door had been anyone in the universe other than Jun, he’d have answered the door thoroughly pissed.) “What the fuck do you want, Jun?! I said I was having a date tonight!”

Jun took a deep breath.

And gave Kirito the most pathetic, My Cat Was Just Run Over, I Just Got Evicted From My Apartment, My Entire Family Just Died, No One Loves Me, And Someone Just Tried To Rape Me look. Two big teardrops fell from his eyes to complete the effect.

Kirito melted.

Jun sniffled and rubbed at his eyes with the back of his hand, looking like a lost little boy. “Can I stay with you tonight, Shinya?”

Kirito smiled and ruffled Jun’s hair affectionately. “Of course.” He took Jun’s hand and walked him into his apartment before pausing in his hallway. “Let me just go explain, okay?”

Jun nodded and clung onto Kirito for a moment. “Don’t leave me alone for too long, okay?”

Kirito wrapped his arms around Jun and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “Sure. Won’t be more than two seconds.”

Kirito walked into his dining area, grabbed his date’s wrist, and escorted him to his front door, explaining along the way. “Jun is upset and he needs me. I’ll call you, okay?”

The last thing Kirito’s date saw before the door shut was Jun grinning at him triumphantly.



A few days later, Jun skipped into practice and was somewhat surprised to see his fellow bandmates cower from him in abject terror. “What’s wrong?”

Kohta stepped forward, his love for his brother making him brave. “You didn’t… kill him, did you?”

Jun blinked at him, confused. “What are you talking about?”

“Aniki hasn’t answered his phone since you… since we saw you last.”

Jun smiled sweetly. If the others hadn’t been witness to Jun’s insanity a few days prior, they’d have sighed in relief. As it was, they flinched.

Jun chuckled and threw himself on a couch and picked up his guitar. “He’s fine. He’s just sore and worn out, is all.”

They decided not to ask.




~fin~



Okay, did this succeed in cheering you up? Did you at least giggle? Come on, be happy!

And I think it makes a little sense… Everyone knows Jun is the peacemaker and everything, so… to keep peace, he must have learned to be a little manipulative somewhere along the line. Especially with Kirito as a best friend.
 
 
Current Music: Wizard - Drenched Girl
 
 
 
izayoi_miki on April 7th, 2006 03:31 am (UTC)
...Ohhh, so that's why the new single is called Hello! It all makes perfect sense now! If I had an Insane Murderous-gleam-in-his-eye Jun grinning at me, I'd agree to anything as long as he went as far as possible away from me!

And I'm growing fond of manipulative Jun. He's adorable...in a bloodthirsty way...

That was good! Made me laugh! ^^
Omen-chanomen1x2 on April 7th, 2006 04:06 am (UTC)
It does indeed make sense! Those poor guys... I bet they needed to change their underwear after that encounter.

I love Jun in any form. Evil, manipulative, jealous, or cute. It doesn't matter. He's still awesome.
(no subject) - izayoi_miki on April 7th, 2006 04:48 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on April 7th, 2006 06:59 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - izayoi_miki on April 7th, 2006 04:37 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on April 7th, 2006 05:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - izayoi_miki on April 7th, 2006 05:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on April 8th, 2006 03:03 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - izayoi_miki on April 8th, 2006 03:47 am (UTC) (Expand)
Sakura the Cookie Monstersakura121 on April 7th, 2006 04:10 am (UTC)
Mwahahahahahahahah!! XDDD

Poor Miyavi. At least I THINK it's Miyavi that ended up getting ditched. XD;;;

That fic just seriously cracked me up greatly. I couldn't stop laughing the whole way through. x33
Omen-chanomen1x2 on April 7th, 2006 04:16 am (UTC)
Oh good, you liked it!

And, yeah, I wrote that with Miyavi in mind. I just didn't want to actually name any names, you know?
morte_maiden: aki by sheetulamorte_maiden on April 7th, 2006 04:23 am (UTC)
“Don’t bury me yet! I’m still alive! I want to live, I say! I want to liiiiive!”

...LMAO....That is seriously the first thing I've laughed outloud to in weeks. When the Keebler Elves take over the world, you shall be remembered and spared.
Omen-chanomen1x2 on April 7th, 2006 04:26 am (UTC)
That was my favorite line, actually. I could just see Aiji trying to dig his way out from inside a tent...

Yay! I shall survive! What a relief! And I'll get lots of snacks, too. That's GOOD.
☆Ky~Ky♡xquirkylove on April 7th, 2006 04:23 am (UTC)
Dahaah! I love Jun's reaction with the guitar string breaking . XD;
AWW HAHH I LOVE HIS REACTION EVEN MORE WHEN KIRITO PLONKED HIM OUTSIDE 8D!!! aww.. XD; [reminds me of a cat, really, the way he scratches at the door] *STARTS SNICKERING AT JUN AND KIRITO AND EVERYTHING* .. this is supposed to be funny right? T_T Cause I'm gonna feel horrible if this wasn't where you were aiming at. T__T;

Jun chuckled and threw himself on a couch and picked up his guitar. “He’s fine. He’s just sore and worn out, is all.”

They decided not to ask. OH BUT I WOULD. :D

phu phu phu. of COURSE this story made me laugh ! ♥
Omen-chanomen1x2 on April 7th, 2006 04:29 am (UTC)
Great! Jun being a cat at the door is exactly the imagery I was going for! *feels inordinantly successful* And yes, the whole thing was just supposed to be a fun humor ficcie.

And I would have asked too. But Takeo, Aiji, and Kohta, not being fangirls, and one of them being related to the victim, probably didn't want to know.
(no subject) - xquirkylove on April 7th, 2006 04:39 am (UTC) (Expand)
yokozukiyokozuki on April 7th, 2006 05:00 am (UTC)
It is love. *g* Yay!!
finferwen: happyfinferwen on April 7th, 2006 05:19 am (UTC)
Uwaaaaaaaaaa, that's so cute!

Poor Kirito. He never had a hope in Hell.

Just what I needed to cheer me up. ^___^
Omen-chanomen1x2 on April 7th, 2006 05:31 am (UTC)
Indeed he did not. Jun has a mighty weapon, there. With that, he would have absolutely no problem taking over the world.
® the bats have left my belltower ®ekucbbw on April 7th, 2006 05:25 am (UTC)
LOL!! How fucking cute!

I like this Jun. XD
Omen-chanomen1x2 on April 7th, 2006 06:47 am (UTC)
I like this Jun too. See? He's not as innocent and naive as we all think he is. Jun is, in fact, manipulating us all.
(no subject) - ekucbbw on April 7th, 2006 12:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on April 7th, 2006 01:10 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ekucbbw on April 7th, 2006 04:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Tsukushijuusuikan on April 7th, 2006 05:26 am (UTC)
Chibi-Kiricho protection! W0h00!
*lol*
..“Yeah, old man Takeo. Go get back in your wheelchair and leave us children alone!”..
Till evil Jun comes along~

Loved it n_n!
Hidden jokes, muah! xD
Hn, yeah. Peace-Jun-match-Kirito.

Ok I'm losing it~
*chuckle* *wink*
Omen-chanomen1x2 on April 7th, 2006 05:33 am (UTC)
*huggles* You better now? I said I'd write a fic to try and cheer you up, and I did! Did it work?
(no subject) - juusuikan on April 7th, 2006 05:34 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - omen1x2 on April 7th, 2006 07:01 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - juusuikan on April 7th, 2006 12:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Piacx_shock_me_x on April 7th, 2006 09:45 am (UTC)
awwww i loved it! brightened up my morning :)
Omen-chanomen1x2 on April 8th, 2006 03:05 am (UTC)
I'm glad! *huggles*
MissLelizmissleliz on April 7th, 2006 10:59 am (UTC)
*giggles* That was absolutely adooorable. Omigosh. XDD I love it love it love! Seriously, your fics just get better and better...everytime I read the new one, I'm like "Now *this* is my favorite omen-chan fic!" XDDD It was just....so cute. XD <3 Jun. And *now* I understand the stupid name for the single! XDDD

Thank you for writing this for all your upset friends...I'm feeling much better though. ^^ Most of my stress was finished yesterday and after a couple more things today, I'm off to Austin to have fun for the weekend. ^^ So yay, I get KxJ goodness before I go! (Want to have some for when I come back? XDD Juuuust kidding...or am I...?)
Omen-chanomen1x2 on April 7th, 2006 01:07 pm (UTC)
Austin? As in Austin Texas? Wanna come by and visit? I'm only half an hour away from there!
(no subject) - missleliz on April 9th, 2006 08:32 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Illuminatipsychommunity on April 7th, 2006 01:15 pm (UTC)
Jun is so evil, and i love it so much
sin meiiamzie on April 7th, 2006 01:30 pm (UTC)
Teeheee!! I love you for writing so much KiritoxJun.. This was hilarious.. Jun taking all the initiative and doing it. Hahaha!! And the fake fire and sword thing? XD And this one --> And gave Kirito the most pathetic, My Cat Was Just Run Over, I Just Got Evicted From My Apartment, My Entire Family Just Died, No One Loves Me, And Someone Just Tried To Rape Me look. Two big teardrops fell from his eyes to complete the effect. Zomg. You just chose to evoke all the right images!!! XD *loves*
Omen-chanomen1x2 on April 7th, 2006 05:43 pm (UTC)
Kirito x Jun is my pairing. I think I have the right to claim them, seeing as how I don't write anything else... I just love that couple to itty bitty pieces.

I didn't choose anything. That was all Jun. All Jun.
(no subject) - iamzie on April 9th, 2006 09:22 am (UTC) (Expand)
Kei: Aki binarykdelioncourt on April 7th, 2006 02:23 pm (UTC)
*giggles* Oooooh devious!Jun...lovely...XDD
aliale on April 7th, 2006 04:11 pm (UTC)
And gave Kirito the most pathetic, My Cat Was Just Run Over, I Just Got Evicted From My Apartment, My Entire Family Just Died, No One Loves Me, And Someone Just Tried To Rape Me look. Two big teardrops fell from his eyes to complete the effect - I can see it... *laughs*

and the image of a fake fire in the middle of Kirito's living room just cracked me up XDDD
Omen-chanomen1x2 on April 7th, 2006 05:36 pm (UTC)
Yep! Little Jun camped out like a cute little samurai to protect Kirito's virtue, even though Kirito doesn't want to be protected. And has no virginal virtue anyway.
Maria.saturninecrash on April 8th, 2006 02:23 am (UTC)
Awwwww, that was super cute and hilarious and Jun is fricking adorable and I want to violate him.

The End.

XD
Omen-chanomen1x2 on April 8th, 2006 02:56 am (UTC)
I want to violate him too.

*is killed by Kirito*

Dammit. How does he always KNOW?!
(no subject) - saturninecrash on April 8th, 2006 06:37 pm (UTC) (Expand)