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25 January 2008 @ 11:08 am
 
Title: Sleep Deprivation
Author: omen1x2
Fandom: Pierrot, Kirito, ALvino, Angelo
Pairing: Kirito + Jun
Summary: Rill enjoys tormenting Kirito, and she has a lot to catch up on.
Disclaimer: Like all fanfic writers, I twist reality to please me.
Notes: (Belated) birthday fic for sakura121. But I did it! I managed to write something!





Sleep Deprivation

By Omen-chan



Kirito twitched as the continuous thwack, thwack, thwack worked its way into his head and forced him out of his sound (and much needed) slumber. Growling in annoyance, he raised his head and managed to open his eyes enough to look around for the offending noise.

Rill.

He didn’t know what had possessed him to accept the offer when Jun had begged him to baby-sit his pets while he was gone on tour. Usually Jun’s sister, or a friend, or… someone else did it for him. Everyone knew that Kirito and Rill had a mutual, and natural, animosity that exceeded normal limits. And yet, Jun had asked, and Kirito had accepted. He was beginning to wonder if he’d lost all appearance of sanity, and was finally beginning to act and think like the maniac he had always known he was.

Thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack.

She was playing with the curtain cord. Banging the plastic end against the wall. Kirito just knew she was making that noise on purpose, damn her.

He grabbed his pillow and threw it at her, well pleased as he heard Rill’s furious yowl. Target annihilated.

Kirito grabbed Jun’s pillow and buried his face in it, momentarily distracted from his temporary victory by the vague scent of Jun.

And then Kirito felt small and oh, so painful claws work their way up his leg slooooowly. So very fucking torturously slowly. Digging in each individual claw long enough that he was sure the damn cat was drawing blood.

Letting out a high pitched screech, he flung himself off the bed, the claws blessedly losing their hold, and turned to face his tormenter.

He could have sworn she smirked at him. Intellectually, he knew that cats couldn’t smirk. But he wouldn’t put it past Rill to have the unnatural ability. Kirito’s glare intensified as Rill curled up on Jun’s pillow territorially, shedding a revolting amount of fur all over it, so he wouldn’t be able to sleep on it at all. He started to plot his retaliation, perhaps he could go to the kitchen and get a pot of water and pour it all over her…

And then he was cruelly reminded of his cat allergy when his leg started to itch horribly.

Kirito looked down at his leg in horror as a rash began to spread over the claw marks before his eyes, or at least that was how it appeared to him.

Refusing to show weakness to his adversary, he calmly walked towards the door, hoping that Rill would think he had left to commence his revenge. Once out of eyeshot, or kitty earshot, he broke into a silent run to the bathroom, and hoped that Jun hadn’t moved his first aid kit from where he used to keep it.


*****


An hour later, Kirito slowly opened the bathroom door and peeked out. No Rill in sight. He eyed the distance from the bathroom to the front door and wondered if he could make it if he went into a dead sprint. Granted, he would probably be arrested for streaking, as he didn’t dare get his clothes from the bedroom, but at least he could go back to torturing his fellow humans, instead of having to be the witless victim. He’d just send Kohta or Takeo tomorrow to feed Rill. After all, it didn’t have to be him here, tormented and sleepless and breaking out into rashes and suffocating from his clogged nose and swollen throat.

Yet again, he wondered why Jun had asked him to be the one to take care of Rill this time. Honestly, Jun should have known better. And Kirito should have known better too. The fact that Jun had asked was far outweighed by the incomprehensible fact that Kirito had actually accepted. Accepted.

Kirito once again eyed the distance to the door, but he couldn’t bring himself to run away. Despite the amusing newspaper articles and television segments that would be everywhere by tomorrow morning due to Famous Kirito Streaking in the Middle of the Night as he Leaves his Former Guitarist’s Apartment, he just hated the idea of running away from his responsibility.

Running away from a cat. Weak weak weak weak weak weak weak. Kirito was not weak. He was not scared of a ten pound cat.

Besides, Jun had asked him.

Sighing, he laid down on Jun’s Beloved Couch Named Nirvana or Shangri-La or Something Like That and picked up a magazine. He would need to apply ointment to his leg every few minutes just to keep the pain and itching on this side of bearable, so he didn’t dare try to sleep. Besides, for all he knew, Rill would come out of the bedroom and lay right across his mouth and nose. She seemed especially homicidal tonight. He probably shouldn’t have thrown that pillow at her. Ah, well. Hindsight is ever perfect and yadda yadda yadda god he hated clichés.

Kirito finally focused on the magazine in his hands and snickered when he saw it was an Angelo featured magazine. Looking down at Jun’s coffee table, he saw that all of them were either Angelo or Kirito solo career features.

Preening to himself a little, he flipped open the magazine and immediately twitched. Suspicious looking claw and bite marks seemed to be all over his pictures. Grrrrrrrr. And it looked like someone (it must have been Jun, or one of Jun’s friends in a playful mood) had doodled on him. They weren’t mean doodles or anything, but still. Someone Had Doodled. On. Him. Kohta and Takeo were miraculously unblemished with either marker, claw, or tooth, but Not Him.

Moments later, Kirito burst into the bedroom, wielding the magazine like a saber with his eyes alit with a red fire. “Riiiiiiiiill!!! I will end you!”

Rill, sensing that she had lost the upper-hand somehow, jumped off of Jun’s pillow and hid under his bed. Crawling her way to the exact center, she curled up and glared about her suspiciously. Jun had never been able to get to her when she did this, but her nemesis was somewhat smaller than Jun was.

Proving her correct, Kirito dropped to his belly and slithered under the bed, looking a great deal like a soldier under fire, with the rolled up magazine in his teeth like a knife.

Rill hissed at him and arched her back, baring her claws. It had finally come to this. The Duel. The Final Battle. Only one would remain the victor.



*****



Jun cheerfully unlocked his apartment door, only to be faced with an apartment in ruins. Clawed curtains, furniture, and walls, along with spatters of… Paint? Maybe? No, those were just watermarks. Everywhere.

And there, in the center of the debris on his miraculously intact couch (neither Kirito nor Rill were stupid enough to harm that, no matter how pissed they were), a pock-marked, swollen Kirito was spanking his kitten with a rolled up magazine. Rill was yowling in annoyance, but she had obviously submitted to the indignation, most likely because Kirito was holding her legs together with his other hand, and there was no way Rill could free herself enough to claw at him.

Jun again took in his disaster area of an apartment, and then went back to the scene on the couch. He realized that Kirito was actually growling obscenities at Rill as he spanked her.

Eventually, they seemed to realize that they weren’t alone. Kirito looked up and slowed down on his Rill-vengeance, until he finally came to a stop. Rill stopped squirming and perked her ears up at her master, obviously expecting to be saved.

Jun beamed at them. “So the two of you are finally getting along now, then?”



~fin~




Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha I FUCKING DID IT! I wrote something. I managed to get Sakura-chan her birthday fic. Late, yes. But finished. And it’s actually something that’s decent enough to post. It’s almost enough to make me want to thank Miya for keeping me up all night.

The beginning of this fic, with the curtain, is exactly what Miya was doing to me all fucking night. I didn’t throw a pillow at her, but maybe I should have, because nothing else worked. I am sleepless and dead on my feet at work today. And writing a fic. Hahahaha I am so getting fired.
 
 
 
(Deleted comment)
Omen-chan: I love my fandom. ^___^omen1x2 on January 25th, 2008 11:37 pm (UTC)
*yawns in exhaustion and nods emphatically* This fic speaks to me as well. Only in my case, it is a cat. My cat. But hopefully she does it because she wants my attention, and not because she derives a sadistic pleasure from it.

Yeah, that was my favorite line in the whole thing, and the one part that made me decide I could actually post the damn thing. (As opposed to some of the other shit I have written recently and subsequently trashed.)
Niimura Shinyaniimura_shinya on January 25th, 2008 11:05 pm (UTC)
*Giggles*

I loved it ! Nicely done.. Really ^^

*Huggles... and hopes to see you on MSN soon....?*

*Gives a question mark*
Omen-chan: Pierrotomen1x2 on January 25th, 2008 11:38 pm (UTC)
*hugs back* I'll try. I usually get online at work now, and we can't use instant messengers, but maybe sometime this weekend I'll be able to get online. ^^
Niimura Shinyaniimura_shinya on January 25th, 2008 11:39 pm (UTC)
Aww... Alright. I'll wait...

*Hugs tight* My muses are missing you, too...
Omen-chanomen1x2 on January 26th, 2008 12:11 pm (UTC)
Okay, I'll try to get on this evening. ^^
Sakura the Cookie Monstersakura121 on January 26th, 2008 04:10 am (UTC)
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! xDDD

The entire fic had me laughing like crazy, especially the end of the fic. x333
Omen-chan: Kirito - Daybreak02omen1x2 on January 26th, 2008 11:54 am (UTC)
Yaaaaaay! *glompses* How does it rate with you? Better or worse than your last birthday fic?
Sakura the Cookie Monstersakura121 on January 26th, 2008 07:45 pm (UTC)
Equal, especially with the end of this fic. And Jun just asked that one question. xD
Omen-chan: Kohta02omen1x2 on January 26th, 2008 08:57 pm (UTC)
Yeah, and it's usually Kirito that ends my humor fics with the fun one-liners. And, amusingly, I just realized that there are, in fact, only two spoken lines in this whole thing.
柩 愛人 → ジェンアbayergal on January 26th, 2008 04:12 am (UTC)
OMFG AHAHAHAHAHA *keeps laughing*
damn i loved this sooo much
and CRAP i can soooo relate to that *cries*
haha but omfg i was laughing the whole time and i have the creepiest big grin on my face right now, people are staring...XDDD
phuuu but honestly this was so funny and i loved it lots thanks sooo much for writing this, my day has now been made to be wonderful~~! *dances*
*mems*
<333
Omen-chan: Junomen1x2 on January 26th, 2008 11:56 am (UTC)
lol
I'm so glad you liked it. Since I wrote it in a completely sleep deprived state (to match the title), I wasn't even sure if the damn thing was coherent. I'm so glad to know it is, and that you enjoyed it. ^______^
柩 愛人 → ジェンアbayergal on January 27th, 2008 01:23 am (UTC)
awe im sorry about that *hug*
haha its coherent enough for me to read it! XDD
^-^b
Omen-chan: Kirito - Lightomen1x2 on January 27th, 2008 03:57 am (UTC)
Works for me, then! XD
柩 愛人 → ジェンアbayergal on January 27th, 2008 04:34 am (UTC)
booya! XDD
Mizukikikai_no_yume on January 26th, 2008 06:29 pm (UTC)
XDD It's funnyXD Though, can't help but feeling sorry for the pain Kirito is going though>.> Cat allergies sucks big time u.u (but poor Rill for getting spanked...though she kinda deserved it but yeaaah`~ )
It's good to see a fic from you again!^^
Omen-chan: Angeloomen1x2 on January 26th, 2008 08:59 pm (UTC)
It's nice to write one again, finally. Although I do feel rather guilty, torturing my poor Kirito-sama like that. >.>
katatsumuri04katatsumuri04 on January 27th, 2008 01:20 am (UTC)
Dear god that's cute!
Omen-chanomen1x2 on January 27th, 2008 03:56 am (UTC)
Thanks! ^___^
~Nuile~: kirinuile on January 30th, 2008 12:27 am (UTC)
Kirito's murderous mood = love <3
xDDD
Ohhh, I LOVE your writing, I missed it! I'm soooo glad you wrote this!
Omen-chan: Pierrotomen1x2 on January 30th, 2008 01:11 pm (UTC)
Thankies! I'm glad I wrote it too. I'd have never forgiven myself if I'd missed Sakura-chan's birthday fic completely. ;_____;
kyuichi18 on February 18th, 2008 11:47 am (UTC)
WAHHHH AHAHHAHAHAA xD
OMG!!! Poor Ki-chan!!
And how I missed your writing, Omen-chan!!! (remember me ne? ^^')
>.<
(how's med treating you? good as always? Like Rill and Kirito?)
Omen-chan: Pierrotomen1x2 on February 18th, 2008 12:21 pm (UTC)
Of course I remember you! *glomps* It's funny, too, 'cause just the other day I was wondering what had happened to you. And then I just figured school was keeping you busy.

Rill and Kirito, pretty much. XD
kyuichi18 on February 18th, 2008 12:50 pm (UTC)
Ahahahaa *GLOMPAGE*
Yea, school's been crap >=(
How about you?
I was missing my KJ so I figured I hop into this group and find the Queen of K/J on LJ (you) <3
Omen-chan: Kirito - Lightomen1x2 on February 18th, 2008 01:05 pm (UTC)
School's always crap. *grumbles* Urgh.

*preens and sits in her chair regally* Yes, my little KiriJun subjects, I RULE OVER YOU ALL! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
kyuichi18 on February 18th, 2008 01:36 pm (UTC)
xD me too *hi fives* though im not too sure if school is a reason to high five about -_-

what are you studying to be/do?

ahahaha yes yes my Queen <3